Merry Freakin Christmas And Crappy New Year
by Raven-2010
Summary: Christmas & New years are nearing Inuyasha's in prank mode overdrive, so armed with new deranged tricks he starts war with Sessh, Inutaisho & the gang watch as the dog war starts. Sessh gets revenge in deranged ways. Comedy romance LEMON Sessh/Kag
1. Chapter 1 Holiday Dog Wars

**Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do, Rated R Lemon**

Christmas, and New years are nearing and Inuyasha is in prank mode overdrive. He starts the war on Sesshoumaru with his most twisted new pranks. Sugimi along with the others watch as the dog war begins. This is a 2 in one **Christmas/New Year's **fic, it contains raunchiness, written for **Christmas 2011, and New Year's 2012**. Happy holidays everyone. Extended Jan 2013, complete one shot thanks. **Sessh/Kag**

**Merry Freaking Christmas and Crappy New Year**

**By Raven-2010, xxoikilluoxx, and XxSoliexHiddenxX, Dec 22 2011**

**No dicking around, rest in peace, boxers and lace,**

"Still trying to grow a twig into a tree? Sesshoumaru ragged when he caught Inuyasha looking down his pants "You know they have a growth formula called super tree food you won't get a tree but a moderate sized bush will sprout,"

"Sesshoumaru you dick," Inuyasha complained "Oops I mean dickless,"

"You have one of your own" don't you think you should be tending to him? You know he might get jealous with you dicking around with other dicks, and if he closes and goes out of business you'll be royally fucked and not the good kind of fucked either"

"Sick demented bastard"

"Sick I am proud to be but little I am not unlike a certain puppy," Sesshoumaru shot back

"Shut up you fuckin," Inuyasha started but never got to finish

"Inuyasha Taishooooooo," Sugimi screamed down from his room

"Dear lord what have you done to father? Sesshoumaru asked

"Nothing fluffykins" Inuyasha wise ass answered "Fuck, what the hell was that for?" he griped when Sesshoumaru's hand smacked his head

"For acting like a senile fool, now answer my question before I start doing surgery," Sesshoumaru commanded

"Nope, gotta go keep your makeup dry and don't sweat or it'll run,"

"Hm, typical coward initiate war then run and hide when the battle begins," Sesshoumaru insulted

"Inuyashaaaaa? Sugimi bellowed

"Laters fluffy," Inuyasha said knowing how much Sesshoumaru hated that nick name

'Fluffy, ha? I shall pay you for that' Sesshoumaru thought

"Now sweet escape always better to watch from a distance," the gloating hanyou exclaimed

"If it looks acts like and smells like a pussy than it is a pussy," Sesshoumaru insulted

"Really than look in the mirror and you will see the biggest one on earth," Inuyasha shot back

Sugimi who had leapt over the second floor railing landed on the first floor was headed for and lunging for Inuyasha who was about to run when Sesshoumaru's foot tripped him "Asshole"

"You're welcome dear brother," Sesshoumaru sweetly replied "That is how this fluffy thanks you,"

"I will get you for this, that's a promise,"

"I'm so scared, not," Sesshoumaru replied

"Hello my dearest pup," Sugimi greeted "Daddy's little hells angel,"

"Gulp, ah, hi pop," the trying to smile like an angel hanyou responded

"Father what has the fool done to draw such fury from you? Sesshoumaru queried

"Well son it seems your thoughtful brother thought it would be nice to prepare me for burial and he went all out,"

"Burial? Sesshoumaru replied

"Yes I awoke with my sheet over my head, a lily in my folded in prayer hands, with a set of American rosary beads wrapped around them," Sugimi explained

"Lovely he did not even use traditional Japanese preparations," Sesshoumaru teased

"Crap" Inuyasha exclaimed when Sugimi's hand wrapped around his throat "Cough d-dad,"

"In the process of committing murder don't chip a claw or fracture a fang father," Sesshoumaru joked

Sadistically smiling Sugimi gazed at his nervous pup "Now for you,"

"D, dad I, I'm sorry," Inuyasha stammered

"You are?

"Yes pop for real I am," Inuyasha answered "If you let me l, live I'll be good,"

"Do you promise to never do it or any other crap again?" Sugimi questioned

"Yes dad, honest to gods I promise,"

"Very well you are forgiven," Sugimi said, Inuyasha turned his head and with a triumphant look stuck his tongue out at Sesshoumaru "Now be a good boy,"

"Yes dad I will," Inuyasha replied and took off

"Father you're not really letting him off the hook are you? Sesshoumaru asked

"My boy you know me so well," Sugimi replied "He's daddies favorite dog chew toy,"

"Bon appetite, so what's the plan?" Sesshoumaru asked, and Sugimi told him "Dear lord you really are one twisted dog. I shall have my camcorder ready,"

"Ah my boy Inuyasha + his surprise + internet = devastating and crippling humiliation tons of fun for us and great blackmail material for you," Sesshoumaru had a dreamy look "Aw look my eldest is smiling,"

**Following morning**

When Kagome, Kouga, Bankotsu and the others woke got up washed and came downstairs for breakfast unbeknownst to them they were in for a treat they'd never forget. Once they arrived in the kitchen Sugimi motioned for them to look out the window there it was Inuyasha tied to the tree in the back yard wearing only a pair of pink boxer shorts trimmed with red lace. His nipples were painted cherry red, and on his chest in big letters was written property of Jakotsu

"Oh Yash I knew you loved me, this means we're like married or something," Playing along with it Jakotsu teased "Oh this is the happiest day of my life I want pictures I'm showing and telling everyone,"

"Oh he's so dreamy in pink," Kagura, Kagome, Ayame, and Kagura ragged the turning red hanyou "He's like a big Valentine's day treat,"

"Look girls he's red with love not to fear you gorgeous dog Jakys here," Jakotsu ragged

"That's it mutt face your outta the men's club indefinitely," Kouga teased

"I always knew deep down inside there was a girl hiding just waiting to get out, Girls you're going to have to take him I mean her shopping and teach her how to dress," Bankotsu razzed

"Yes and lovely round child bearing hips we'll easily have ten or twenty pups," Miroku needled

"Eek," the white as a sheet hanyou responded then with a furious expression and red face glared daggers

"Little brother, have you no dignity or shame? Sesshoumaru added to the torment

"I hate every last one of you," Inuyasha snapped in a whiny tone "Multiple graves," he bit

"Then you won't mind if I take the miko out on a date," Sesshoumaru ragged, took Kagome's hand pulling her into a hug

"Oh Sesshy your so dreamy," The other females said "I want to hold you cuddle you and keep you warm all night long,"

"Wow hot Sessh likes me?" Kagome exclaimed to bug Inuyasha "This is my dream come true,"

"Fluffy you bastaaaaard," Inuyasha bellowed

"Come miko shall we start our first date now?" Sesshoumaru said

"The sooner the better," playing along Kagome answered "Oh what plans I have for you stud,"

"Fluffy scores miko hanyou zero," Sesshoumaru jabbed, then turned and walked out with Kagome on his arm "The miko is welcome to share my dog bed anytime she wants,"

"Sesshoumaru I will pay you for this," Inuyasha barked at his brothers retreating form

"I believe it was father who gifted you with your new attire not I so it is not me who your quarrel is

With," Sesshoumaru replied just before he and Kagome disappeared from sight

'Just wait you fucker, just wait' the scowling hanyou thought "He took my favorite wench fucker,"

**Boardroom surprise, thank you gift, Inuyasha's doom**

"Father I have an important board meeting to attend, I shall return once it is finished," Sesshoumaru stated

"Very well son see you when you get back," Sugimi said "Be a good boy and try not to party too hard," he joked

"Very funny,"

"I thought so," Sugimi teased

Sesshoumaru left, got into his car and drove off headed to the office in Taisho Corp, when he arrived he pulled into the parking lot and parked in his reserved spot. After exiting his car he headed to the building, once inside he was greeted by his staff, he then went to his office. In the board room he waited for his other business associates to arrive and did not have to wait long, each one took their seats, than the meeting began

In the middle of the meeting something appeared seemingly out of nowhere floating above all seated at the large long boardroom table, looking at it they saw it was a balloon. Thinking it was someone's harmless joke Sesshoumaru frowned bored, he thought to rid the room of it and was about to reach up to do so. Before he could get one claw near it, the balloon burst showering all below it with condoms every kind there were and glitter, laughter broke out throughout the room, thirsting for revenge Sesshoumaru had plans

Using the PA system Sesshoumaru called "Little brother please report to the boardroom stat," then repeated the message

"Shit, what did you do now?" Kagura asked

"Yeah spill or die dog breath," Kouga said

"And if you don't I'll purify your pecker right off," Kagome promised letting one hand glow pink

"I'll just pickle it than you will have to make an appointment to visit it," Sango added

"Ouch" Jakotsu, Miroku, Kouga, and Bankotsu exclaimed, and cringed with their hands over they're jewels

"Come on Yasha out with it," Ayame said "Unless you want to have to sit down to pee,"

"Sure always blame the poor defenseless innocent hanyou," Inuyasha replied

"Yeah right and I'm a virgin miko," Kagura ragged

"If you're innocent and defenseless I'm a stripper working in a convent," Kagome wisecracked\

Then the PA system sounded again "Little brother you will bring your meatless backside to the boardroom now or I will have security do it for you," Sesshoumaru said in a gloating tone "Be a good puppy and cooperate,"

"I ain't a gods damned puppy," Inuyasha barked "And you wench you're a stripper than get to stripping,"

"You strip first," Sango teased

"Yes I would love to see those cute little buns," Kagura razzed

"Yashy you are always calling him fluffy," Jakotsu reminded

"Oh it must be bad," Ayame said

"Go on get your ass in there Sessh is waiting," Kagura said while giving his butt a gentle smack "So round so firm fully packed and easy on the draw. Should'a brought butter for these buns,"

"Aw come on now Yash honey don't be difficult," Jakotsu ragged "Be a good boy and I'll massage your cute little puppy ears,"

"Yeah man up mutt and get your ass in there," Kouga teased "Or are you too much of a coward? he ragged making clucking sounds

"Kiss my gods damned ass and sterilize your dirty wolf lips before ya do I do not want to catch hoof in wolf disease," Inuyasha started to reply but was cut off by the PA system

"Little brother this is your last chance either you get in here now or you'll pay a heavy price," Sesshoumaru said "Want me to tell your secret? Inuyasha likes the m,"

"Oh fuck," Inuyasha exclaimed, and made it to the boardroom at triple ward speed "No you don't" he said, clamped his hand over Sesshoumaru's mouth, and took over the PA system "Inuyasha likes beavers lovely perfumed rose scented extra hairy beavers with soft loving lips,"

Muffled gasps were felt against Inuyasha's hand from laughing Sesshoumaru "Beavers? Miroku commented "And they call me a pervert,"

"Soft loving lips" Jakotsu exclaimed

"Yup, leave it to the mutt to call it a beaver," Kouga joked "Watch this" Kouga took the PA system "Hey mutt is that beaver tasty finger licking good, and do ya like them meat or fruit flavored? Hope you carry a toothpick and brush your teeth after because once those hairs get stuck it's a real bitch"

"Kouga you mangy walking wolf pelt butt wipe," Inuyasha answered over the PA system

"That's a good beaver diver and now everyone else knows it to, maybe lots of girls will call you and one generous girl will pop your virgin cherry," Were Kouga's last words over the PA system

Inuyasha turned it off and released his brother "I see you made it little brother," Sesshoumaru casually teased "Hos is the beaver?

"No shit inspector twelve, what was your first clue?" Inuyasha answered

"Ah works every time. Barney beaver diver,"

"Now what the hell do you want? Inuyasha asked

"We received your gift filled balloon and wanted to thank you personally for the lovely gifts inside,"

"This Inuyasha knows not of what you speak and will take his leave now," he ragged speaking Like Sesshoumaru

"Really?

"Yes really," Inuyasha said feigning innocence

"But I think we shall still show you our thanks it would be uncouth not to" don't you agree gentlemen? Sesshoumaru replied

"Yes I do agree," Katsu one of the boardroom victims agreed, got up and locked the room door "Special thanks for such a kind gesture,"

"Gulp, wha-what are you old farts up, up to?" Inuyasha stammered

"We only wish to thank you nothing more," Sesshoumaru answered "Must you be such a child about it?

"Ah hah," the others exclaimed

"Relax pup we old farts only wish to give you a thank you gift as thanks for your lovely thoughtful Pre Christmas gift to us," smirking Katsu added

"N, never mind I, I do not need a thing gotta go now things to do and all," nervous inching toward the door Inuyasha stammered

"Nonsense I will not hear of it, you will receive a gift you cannot leave until you do," Sato another member of the group told him

"Eek" Inuyasha shrieked "I-I-I don't like g-gifts," he nervously stammered

"Aw how pretty," Ayame exclaimed when her hearing picked up the sound

"What? The non demons asked

"Aw our poor little Inuyashy just shrieked," gloating Kouga told them

"Oh goody, goody, goody I can hardly wait," Sango, Miroku, Kagura, and the others squealed like excited kids on Christmas morning

"Calm down kids it's coming any minute now," grinning Kouga added

Suddenly the boardroom door flew open and something at first unfamiliar came whizzing by, upon closer inspection it was clear to see that it was naked except for the multiple varieties of condoms he was wearing Inuyasha. They covered his arms and legs like leg warmers, the one covering his manhood was bright red with bright yellow feathers on it, there was a ribbed one on each of his ears the others covering his body glowed in the dark had dots, stripes, flowers, and various other designs on them. And written across his chest in big letters with an arrow pointing down to his crotch was this way to the big payoff, and the finishing touch was a wreath crown of battery operated Christmas tree lights on his head

"Hey now he can dust the furniture," Bankotsu teased "What? He said when all eyes fell upon him "Well his joint is covered in one with feathers on it,"

"Check out the feather covered joystick," Kagome razzed

"Whoa Yashy shake your little money maker" Kagura teased

"Nice view of the astral plane or ass plain" Sango added

"Wow awesome pipeline" Jakotsu teased

"What nice rosy cheeks," Miroku joked referring to his painted green butt

"Shit he's got enough pork to feed an entire village," Ayame commented at seeing his size

Sesshoumaru was following close behind the fleeing hanyou with his cell phone camera on "Are you seeing this father?

"Y, yes son," Sugimi got out while choking on his own laughter

"Uh oh," the group exclaimed

"Poor dog breath," Kouga said with a big grin "Dad saw it he'll never live that down,"

"Yellow fe, feathers Sesshoumaru? Laughing Sugimi gasped "That just puts it over the top,"

"Another Taisho masterpiece," Kagome commented "Thanks Sessh,"

"You are very welcome miko,"

"Aw Sesshy my sick puppy," Sugimi teased

"I inherited my illness from you father," Sesshoumaru answered proudly

"Now that was a good show," Miroku joked

"Yup best of all it was free," Ayame added

"Sweet," Sango exclaimed as she snapped photos of him

**Lust for revenge, the hanyou's plot, walking the dog**

'Hehehe perfect' the scheming hanyou thought

Two days passed and Inuyasha was still hell bent on revenge, one particular rotten trick repeatedly ran through his devious mind, with a bottle in hand he went into Sesshoumaru's bathroom. He took the cap off of Sesshoumaru's favorite sandalwood scented shampoo, opened the small bottle in his hand and poured the contents into the shampoo, put the cap back on the shampoo bottle, and then gave it a few shakes. Smiling evilly he put everything back as it was, and left now he'd just sit back and wait

'After this see how ya like me now bitch' Inuyasha thought

Inuyasha sat lounging in the living room, Sesshoumaru came home and glanced at Inuyasha, Inuyasha gave him a fake but very real looking glare, watching this "Papa he did something," Kagome commented

"Yes he did, I think I am about to be a one pup father," Sugimi agreed "Maybe I should call the funeral home and make reservations," he jested

"Should I start digging a grave for mutt face? Kouga teased

"Nah let's just wait for Sessh to kill him first," Sango joked "It's easier that way,"

"And besides when Sesshoumaru's through there might not be enough to bury," Miroku teased

"As long as Sessh leaves me those cute little ears I won't complain," Jakotsu jested

"Jak you are a sick man," Bankotsu said "I think you need counseling,"

"Aw and that is why you love me Banky wanky,"

"Jeez get a room you two" why don't you? Kagome ragged

"Only if you're alone in it naked and ready," Bankotsu teased batting his eyes "Banky loving all night,"

"Go my perverted brother her," Miroku said

"Great now we've got two hentai's in the group," Kagome replied

"Feeling rubbery little brother?" Sesshoumaru asked referring to his prior condom outfit "Well at least they stretch so they aren't constricting,"

"Go flush yourself down the toilet head first," Inuyasha shot back "Skank wad,"

Smirking Sesshoumaru leaned over lowered his head next to Inuyasha's ear "Inuyasha likes the miko so much his little man does a dance," he teased, saying what he was going to say over the PA system that day in the boardroom "Stop waiting make a move fool" need an ice pack dear brother?

"I'll kill you," Inuyasha bit "Don't go to sleep,"

"Ride the miko, need instructions?" He needled "Oh and before I forget do kindly remember to wash your grimy paws after you've finished playing stroke the lizard. And when doing it in the bathroom please remember to wash the toilet after releasing the hostages. Last Monday you clogged the shower drain,"

"I hate you," Inuyasha snapped "Striped fluffy bastard you need to release your hostages you frustrated backed up pipes hag,"

"And so it begins," Sugimi whispered to the others "My battling Christmas and New Year's pups,"

"Ah hah" they agreed

Happy that he had gotten a rise out of Inuyasha Sesshoumaru left and headed to his room to take a shower, Sesshoumaru removed his clothes, turned the shower on, and when the water was warm, he got in. He let the warm water run down over his body, once he was good and wet he opened his shampoo bottle applied some to his hair and began rubbing it in when done he left it in his hair something he always did he loved to let the sandalwood scent settle into his hair

He then soaped and washed his body, after a few minutes he rinsed off, when he was done he turned the water off, got out of the shower grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his body, and with the other dried his hair. The mirror was fogged over from the steam so nothing could be seen yet, after he finished brushing his teeth he wiped the mirror until it was clear and saw it

"Hanyouuuuu," Sesshoumaru bellowed

"Shit dog breath his voice is filled with murderous intent" what the fuck did you do? Kouga asked

"Can't tell you it's a secret," Inuyasha answered "If I did then I'd have to kill you,"

"Liar" Kouga replied, and grabbed him by the neck of his shirt holding him in place "Talk mutt,"

"If you don't tell I'll kill you myself," Kagura threatened

A streak rapidly passed by headed straight for Inuyasha "Kouga let go you asshole," Inuyasha yelled

"Sorry roach lips no can do"

Inuyasha felt a much larger hand latch onto him "Gulp"

And that is when everyone saw the shocking sight sexy silver Sesshoumaru now had golden platinum blond hair, gasps filled the room, his red eyes were fully locked onto his target Inuyasha. Inuyasha grinned cockily at his blond brother, Sesshoumaru swiftly formed his green whip and wrapped it around Inuyasha, and the fool hanyou who could no longer hold it in broke out laughing a suicidal action to be sure

"Goldie locks, where's the three bears?" Inuyasha ragged "B, better not wear yellow it'll clash with your hair goldie plus you'll look like a giant banana. Upside someone can peel and eat you," laughing Inuyasha needled

"I shall gut you and feed what is left to the vermin," Sesshoumaru spat. Then a second discovery was made

"Se, Sesshoumaru your teeth," Kagome exclaimed

"What do you mean, Miko?'

"Here Kag," Ayame said, then handed her, her compact mirror

"Thanks" Kagome responded, took the mirror and handed it to Sesshoumaru

Sesshouaru looked he had blood red teeth "Miserable excuse for life, today you meet your end," Sesshoumaru snapped at Inuyasha "You're the reason abortion was invented,"

"Well Little Red Riding Fang th, that's what you get," laughing Inuyasha gasped

"And what is it that you mean by that, pup?" Sugimi inquired

"Simple pop," Inuyasha said, and then looked at Sesshoumaru "That's what you get for eating bloody pussy and not brushing your teeth afterward. Eew, nasty the sickest shit is a turn on for you," he wisecracked

"Is that so? Sesshoumaru bit, his whip quickly went around Inuyasha's neck, and Sesshoumaru pulled it tight, Inuyasha gasped "You sound experienced in such things" What did raw meat go out of style?

"C, can't breathe," he gasped

Sesshoumaru pulled him down to the floor "Walk, walk like the dog you are and I will let you live,"

"F, cough fuck yo," Inuyasha tried to finish but choked

"I said walk like the dog you are, on all fours," Sesshoumaru commanded, Inuyasha had to concede, and got down on all fours, using his whip like a leash Sesshoumaru walked him like a dog "Good dog,"

"Fetch boy," Kouga teased and rolled a ball across the floor

"Say cheese," Said Kagura who was filming it said "Show some fang,"

"We should make a movie and sell it," Jakotsu joked "Hey we could sell copies,"

"Yes and I will be the president of the movie company and financial holdings," Sugimi teased

"Hey here's an idea let's put it on the internet," Sango suggested

"Yep, after we cut the parts with Sesshys blond hair out," Ayame said

"Yeah we don't want to humiliate Sessexymaru," Kagome said knowing it'd bug Inuyasha

"Growl" was Inuyasha's response

"Silence fool and keep walking," Sesshoumaru said, after a few minutes passed he released Inuyasha

"Thank you miko for last night it was out of this world," he winked

Kagome played along "Yeah, it was hot, wasn't it, we must do it again and soon?"

"Cough, bas, bastard," Inuyasha gasped

"It is alright now little brother all is forgiven," Sesshoumaru sweetly replied, Inuyasha's response was giving him the finger "I shall take my leave now, goodnight all, and thanks again miko," he said then left

"Oh Sessh isn't done yet I just Know it," Kagura stated

"Dog breath is so fucked," Kouga said to Sugimi

"That he is my boy, that he is," Sugimi agreed

**A hairy situation**

The following morning

After sleeping an unusually deep sleep still groggy Inuyasha woke up barely able to keep his eyes open, he stretched and fought to keep from dozing off again, finally he managed to fully awake. His face felt itchy so he reached up with his claws and scratched, when he did he found something new, Inuyasha felt with his fingers finding the source of his annoyance, he continued to scratch, then tied to pull it off but it did not budge

"Gods damn him he puts a fake beard on me then fucking glues it on," Inuyasha complained, then pulled on it "Shit bastard used cement glue,"

Then he realized he was not in his own bed when he heard "Mornin sunshine," Kagome teased, he looked and saw he was on the couch "Well sleeping beauty nice to see you awake,"

"What the fuck I was in my bed, how the hell did I get here?" Inuyasha said

"You walked down here then plopped down on the couch, and went to sleep, duh," Kouga teased

"Damn drinking too much sake again? Ayame ragged "Drunken sot"

"Ah shut it, I was in my damn bed. Sesshoumaru, Sesshoumaru did it then cement glued the fucking itchy ass beard on my face," Inuyasha grouched "He's such a frigging tool a rusty one,"

"Um that's not a fake beard," Kagome told him

"Sniff, yep she's right," Ayame agreed

"Come on wenches I damn sure did not grow this shit overnight," Inuyasha protested

"Well Yash honey it isn't a fake beard," Jakotsu said "You've finally hit puberty dear,"

"Really, then what is it genius?" Inuyasha replied

"Diving a snowy bush were we?" Ayame teased "Somebody loves the snowy forest,"

"Hair, real hair," Sugimi stated

"Sure is," Bankotsu added

"All right you assholes I'll bite, real hair" from where? Inuyasha asked, then laughed

"Um, someplace," Sango said

"Will one of you idiots get to the frigging point already," Inuyasha snapped

"From a special place," smirking Miroku added "A very special sacred place,"

"That's it I'm leaving I've had it with you idiots," Inuyasha told them but halted when he heard something

"Good morning dear little brother," Sesshoumaru who had just arrived cheerily greeted with a smile

'Oh shit' Inuyasha thought "So what's your game, rat lips?"

"I could not help but overhear your question, from where you ask," Sesshoumaru taunted

"Ah, I didn't stutter ass face?"

"Then I will answer you truthfully, the hair is all natural, and came from a very, very special source, home grown you might say," Sesshoumaru told him

"Oh come on Sessh will ya quit fucking with me and get to the damned point already you giant dick?"

"Why thank you I know I am huge, but must you brag to everyone?" Sesshoumaru ragged

"Just tell me asshole," Inuyasha snapped, and cracked his knuckles, then felt itchy so he reached down and scratched "Gods, what the fuck is this itch day?" he griped "Sesshoumaru you prick if you put itching powder on me I am going to freaking kill you,"

"Hehehe" Kouga, Bankotsu and the other males who couldn't hold back anymore laughed

"He dove in face first and ate white haired pussy an, and it stuck to his face," teasing Kouga gasped

As he scratched Inuyasha felt something strange "Oh no"

"Oh yes," the others practically sang

"My pubes, you shaved my fucking pubic hair off," Inuyasha bellowed "Sesshoumaru I'm gonna feed your nuts to the sewer rats,"

"Yes I did," Sesshoumaru casually answered "And rats do not eat taiyoukai's but they do love hanyou,"

"Sh, shaved them off then glued them to y, your face," Sugimi choked out while laughing

"Hey now when someone calls him pussy it will b, be true," Laughing gasping for air Bankotsu needled

"Hey pussy on legs," Sango teased "Need a comb?

"I know right?" Kagura added "Because we all know curly hair tangles easily,"

"S, somebody call animal control we have a w, wild one loose in here," near breathless laughing Miroku ragged

"He already has the-the beard, now all he needs is the red suit and h-he can be Santa Claus," choking with laughter Sugimi teased

"Oh nice, real funny assholes he didn't shave you're fucking crotch hairs off then glue them to your faces. Boy women are right men are nothing but dogs and bitches," Inuyasha insulted

"Woof, woof," Sugimi, and the other males responded, then panted

**Meet the man eating reindeer, Sesshoumaru's plot, and afternoon delight**

Kagome wanted to have some fun with Inuyasha so she got him to accompany her and the others on a visit to a reindeer farm, since it was large enough for all Sugimi used a van and drove them there. When they arrived the group eagerly exited the van wanting to visit the reindeers, Kagome walked up to what turned out to be the lead one a large male, he immediately took to her letting her pet him and scratch him muzzle. Inuyasha did a fool thing he started ringing the small bells on the Christmas deer harness that hung opposite the deer, the infuriated deer glared murderously at the annoying hanyou. Kagome shook her head in disbelief although a full grown adult Inuyasha acted like an unruly brat, Sugimi along with Sesshoumaru patiently looked on waiting for the fun to begin. As Inuyasha continued even after being warned the deer let out a sound sounding much like an impressive canine growl

"Um, Inuyasha if I were you I'd quit now," Kagome warned

"Oh please wench nothing is going to happen, so stow it. Jingle bells here ain't gonna do shit,"

"Dumb ass," the others exclaimed

"Sissy's," Inuyasha shot back

"Soon to be deer mat," Miroku teased

"Shut it Sukiroku," Inuyasha shot back

"I shall immensely enjoy watching the deer kick your ass," Sesshoumaru ragged 'Daddy the big bad deer beat me up," Sugimi loved that one

Inuyasha continued bugging the poor deer, after a while the furious deer lunged to bite the pest but Inuyasha pulled away just before the deer got his arm, the cocky hanyou laughed which only pissed the deer off even more. Another few seconds passed then at warp speed a heavy thump on the ground was heard as the deer that had jumped over the fence landed on his feet. Looking Inuyasha in the eye, he smirked and seen was an evil glint in his eyes and for the first time Inuyasha cringed

"Gulp, Ka-Kagome I, I don't like the way he's looking at me," Inuyasha stammered while hiding behind her with his hands on her shoulders "I-I think he wants to eat me,"

"Aw he just wants to play he's just a sweet helpless baby,"

"As always little brother you have an overactive outrageous imagination," Sesshoumaru needled

"Smoking happy weed again? Kouga teased "How many times have I told ya to spend a couple of bucks extra and buy the good shit?

"Thank you Kouga I did not know this that explains a lot," Sugimi joked

"B, bullshit," Inuyasha replied, the deer grunted as it closed in on him, Kagome stepped aside "See I told you,"

"Wuss, wuss, wuss," the group teasingly chanted

The deer was now in his face nipping at him "He, he wants to eat me," Inuyasha stammered

"Oh come on they don't eat meat don't be stupid," Kouga ragged

"Little brother don't be ridiculous," Sesshoumaru mockingly scolded "We should have left him home he is obviously stoned,"

"B, bullshit he's a man eating d, dear," Inuyasha stuttered, then "Ouuuuuuuch" he shrieked when it bit his butt "See bastards I told you," the deer licked his lips, and gave a fake real looking hungry look "Ohhh, please don't eat me y, you'll get indigestion and die?"

"Bon appetite," the others said

"Don't chip a tooth sweetie," Kagura said to the deer

"Eeeeek" Inuyasha screeched, and ran like hell with the deer close behind him "Man eating demon deer,"

"I knew he'd screw up, that's why I got him to come here," Kagome told them

"Miko you are an evil genius," Sesshoumaru complimented "I love it Merry early Christmas to us,"

"Why thank you mi lord,"

"Son, what are you up to? Sugimi asked

"It is a surprise," Sesshoumaru answered

"Why did I have pups? They are both deranged and so twisted" Sugimi said "I should have had girls at least they are sane,"

"Because you forgot to pull out when the explosion began," Sesshoumaru razzed

"Ohhhhh, shit," the other males exclaimed

"Sessh you are one raunchy dude," Sango commented

"Why thank you,"

"Raunchy perverted pup," Sugimi wisecracked "If I as you say pulled out when the explosion started you would not be here now my little cuddly bundle of madness,"

"Yes true, but you must remember father little brother and I inherited it from you so technically it is your fault," Sesshoumaru reminded, and smiled evilly

"I made a deposit to your mother's banks nothing more your madness is your own,"

**Christmas morning**

"Miko?

"Yes Sesshoumaru? Kagome answered

"Would you care to assist me in a task?

"Ooo, if it involves torturing Inuyasha you do not even have to ask I'm in," Kagome replied

"Wonderful" he said "Here's the plan," he started, then told her his plan, she laughed

"It's evil, sick and twisted I love it,"

Being in on it Sugimi and the others conveniently disappeared hiding inside Sugimi's barrier. Inuyasha came home "Oh Sesshoumaru it's so big,"

"Hah? Holy hell" what the fuck? Inuyasha exclaimed

"Ah Kagome, oh gods you're so tight it barely fits," Sugimi clamped a hand over his mouth at hearing that "Uh miko you make me so unbearably horny,"

"Yes do me, fuck me harder," then Sesshoumaru's bedroom was heard banging "Oh yeah that's the sweet spot,"

"She is too good at that," Sugimi whispered to his cohorts

"Shit, he, he's fucking her against the bedroom door," Inuyasha said "Animal"

"My stomach I am going to die," holding his stomach laughing Kouga got out

"It sounds to r, real," Kagura gasped "Like good porn,"

"Damn they are too realistic doing that shit," Miroku choked out "If I was a real raunchy pervert I'd have the biggest stiffy in history, right now,"

"Think I'm gonna pee, pee my pants laughing," Sugimi gasped

"Don't care as long as you don't hose the rest of us," Bankotsu teased

"Yeah just aim that thing in the oth-other direction" Ayame managed to say between laughs

Bang, bang, bang "Oh gods yes Sesshoumaru harder, I, I'm," Kagome said

"Ahhh oh shit Kagome when you move like that," Sesshoumaru exclaimed "Yes right there,"

"Hey animals, do you not know what the fuck a bed is used for?" Inuyasha yelled

"Oh gods yesssss," Kagome, and Sesshoumaru called out

"Well gee they finally came bout fucking time," Inuyasha wise cracked "Oh Sesshoumaru fuck me," He mimicked in a female voice, then "Oh Kagome you're so tight it barely fits" ever hear of lubricant?

"Virgin" Sesshoumaru loudly replied

"Fluffy the door fucker," Inuyasha shot back, then all went quiet to quiet "Ya sure it wasn't the door you were fucking and calling Kagome's name?

"Rusty piped cherry," Sesshoumaru shot back "Still using that rubber doll? Got rubber burned penis?

"Sessh this is to damned fun," Kagome whispered

"Yes and you perform realistically and perfectly," Sesshoumaru complimented

"Want to have some more fun? Kagome asked

"Definitely" he replied

"Thank the gods the two fuckers must have finally fallen asleep. Ah sweet peace and quiet," Inuyasha mumbled "Now for a little TV and some snacks," He said

Suddenly the silence was broken "Ah Sesshoumaru I'm coming," Kagome exclaimed "More"

"That's it let it out my miko, come for me,"

"Oh gods fucking damn, do they ever get freaking tired, their worse than rabbits?" Inuyasha griped, and laid on the couch with his ears pinned back against his skull and a pillow wrapped around his head blocking his ears "Damn somebody put me out of my misery kill me now,"

"Sesshoumaruuuuu" Kagome called out a fake orgasm

"R, real sounding afternoon delight," laughing Jakotsu gasped between

Kagome was laughing so hard she was about to go down on her knees when Sesshoumaru caught her in his strong arms, the two locked eyes and stopped laughing "Miko?

"Sesshoumaru" Kagome replied

In less than a second his lips were on hers "Hmm" she moaned

"This time, please gods this time let it stay quiet," Inuyasha mentally pleaded

**Lemon starts**

As the two continued kissing and tongues battled, all sense of their surroundings were lost they only knew each other, Kagome felt his hardened length against her leg, their hands quickly explored one another's bodies. Without pulling apart, her skirt was hiked up, and panties gone Kagome was hoisted up off the floor her back placed against the door. As Sesshoumaru held her up her legs instantly went around his waist, and that's when she felt his pants were already down, she felt Sesshoumaru entering and filling her completely, despite his large length and her tight virgin passage he fit her with ease. Kagome's hold around his neck tightened

She started to move with him he met her thrusts with his own swiftly bringing her to climax hard. After a few releases Sesshoumaru sped up his pace, she felt her taiyoukai pulse inside her and it tripled her lust and his to "Come for me," he whispered in her ear "Do not hold back,"

"Se-sshou-maru," Kagome responded "Come with me,"

"Miko you kill me,"

"Harder give me all you got," he obliged

"Yes Sesshoumaru yes," she called out as his pace increased the room door began to bang only this time it wasn't from fake sexual activities

"Kagome gods you're so tight," he exclaimed, they kept their moans and sounds of passion down to a whisper level "Ah fuck,"

Then it hit them like a ton of bricks _**"Yeeeees" **_both exclaimed when their climaxes began

Before Kagome knew it she was marked on the left side of her neck as his fangs sank into the crook of her neck marking her as his mate. Her body changed and she did the same, the taste of each other's blood spurred them on sending them into another state of mindless lust. Sesshoumaru continued pounding into her with blinding speed, all she could do now was hang on and enjoy the ride

"Sessh there right there," she panted when he hit a highly sensitive spot

"You you're driving me insane," he panted

"_**Uhhhhh" **_both moaned while riding out another set of orgasms. The banging against his room door was now more intense

**Lemon continues**

Back with Inuyasha

"Gods their at it again," Inuyasha said "Take a fucking break you animals" do I need to get the garden hose?

"Yeah and for real this time," Kouga exclaimed as he caught the scent

"What was that, flea trap?" Inuyasha bit

"For real this time I said, duh stupid mutt,"

"Y, you mean the first time they were faking it?" the shocked hanyou stammered

"Y, y, yes it was," Kouga mocked "Oh Kagome," he taunted

"Yes proudly I say Sesshoumaru sama wastes no time going after and getting what he wants," Miroku stated in a praising tone

"You know what they say," Sugimi said

"No pops, what do they say?" Inuyasha answered in a wise acre tone

"Ride the baloney pony," Sugimi teased, then made horse sounds "Light the wick on the candle stick, comb the bush,"

"Yup got to tame the anaconda," Bankotsu ragged "Flagpole in the lawn hole,"

"Lay some pipe,' Miroku teasingly added

The door banging finally subsided "About fucking time, take a nap you two" will ya? Inuyasha loudly said

"Maybe in a week," was Sesshoumaru's response, than all went quiet

"No I think in a month," Kagome teased

"Well merry freakin Christmas and crappy new year," Inuyasha wisecracked "Fucking peachy, I got glued and he's up there getting screwed,"

"Plow that field and plant that crop," Jakotsu needled

"Happy humping new year," Kouga ragged

"Go Sesshy get your freak on," Miroku the resident perv said "He's a plumber and she his customer her pipes were clogged and he's cleaning them,"

"Hey Sessh you're the man," Bankotsu said

"Shut up Bank, and the rest of you nasty perverted bastards get bent," Inuyasha exclaimed

"I'm just a mangy cur dreaming of beavers all covered with soft shiny fur," Bankotsu and the other males crooned with dreamy moon eyed looks

"My ears my brain I am damaged for life I need tons of reefer animal tranquilizers sake rum and whatever else will numb me and make me forget this horror," Inuyasha carried on

**Caged companions, surprise, and making bets**

**New Year's day **

Sesshoumaru had a plan, just when Inuyasha thought it was safe was occupied and not paying attention Sesshoumaru had the perfect opportunity and took full advantage of it, in the blink of an eye Inuyasha found himself in a dark room "Sesshoumaru you low life lousy son of a bitch, let me out. I'll kill you," Inuyasha screamed

Blindly feeling around in the dark Inuyasha tried to find a door or window to escape through. He felt something but not a door or window "Hey watch your hands," a voice said

"Kagura, what the hell are you doing in here?"

"I was ambushed and put in here, duh," she wise ass answered "What's your excuse?

"Well excuse me for asking princess running mouth," Inuyasha shot back

"Ah shut up sir strokes a lot, and I do mean a lot. You know it's a wonder your happy rod hasn't fallen off from all of that rough loving," Kagura needled "Poor innocent thing,"

"Good coming from miss chronic pat the kitty. That's why she can't purr sore lips and a chafed pelt."

"Flea infested needs to be neutered chapped dick dog," Kagura retorted "Ever heard of using lotion?

"I bet you they will kill each other before the next ten minutes are up," Kouga said

"I'll take a piece of that," some of the group said

"I bet they'll fight then kill one another by boning one another's brains out becoming mates," Sango added

"I'll bet on that," others agreed, then cash was put up on the bets, and Sugimi was the elected treasurer

Back with Inuyasha and, Kagura

"Uptight with a broken pipe virgin dog mangy pole yanker," Kagura shot back

"You couldn't handle it,"

"Prove it inexperienced green horn," she ragged

"Frigid, aggravating never knows when to shut up think you know everything wench, bet I know a way to shut you up,"

"Ah don't get your fur in a twist rover," Kagura razzed "Or I'll have to take you to the vet and get your shots, hm looks like you need grooming to,"

"If you promise not to get your jock strap in a twist you should just wear a jock cup," Inuyasha shot back

"Needs an instruction manual and a map of pussy cause he's never seen one before and knows not what the fuck to do, even if a naked one jumped up and bit him male cherry,"

"Good coming from she who needs to watch a porn tape to even know what a damn dick looks like," he retorted "Ya could'a watched one and practiced with a banana,"

"Well if you had one I'd ask for a look see but you don't so I won't," Kagura ragged "But I hear you can rent or buy one,"

"Oh really, wench?"

With the others

"What the fuc? Kagura started, than all went quiet 'Shit' she thought

"Hehehe crappy new year little brother," Sesshoumaru exclaimed

"Sessh I swear to gods you are the perverted cupid," Jakotsu commented

"Perverted, twisted, and completely deranged," Sugimi added, "I am the proudest father alive,"

"Master matchmaker he is," Ayame said "He just solved and closed an impossible case,"

"Such admiration I am honored," Sesshoumaru replied

Five hours had passed and Sesshoumaru went to the room unlocked the door, and was about to open it to let them out "Get lost rat bag," Inuyasha said, and slammed the door shut with his foot "Now for you," he said to Kagura

"Forget it my son he is in horny dog mode," grinning Sugimi joked "Interrupt and die,"

"Well at least he's consistent," Kouga teased

That night hours later Kagura, and Inuyasha emerged from their honeymoon room tired and hungry, then were greeted with "Here it comes," smiling Kagome said

"_**Oh he is a virgin no more cause he got deflowered on the floor **_

_**Left right then in the middle he played that beaver like a fiddle**_

_**The ex virgin boy did good sawing that wood," **_Sugimi, Kouga, Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Miroku, and

Sesshoumaru sang

"Mentally deficient pricks," Inuyasha replied "I need a bat right now,"

"Aw thanks boys," smiling Kagura said "My little songbirds,"

"_**Oh he flies through the air with the greatest of ease the daring young hanyou who got his flower picked on the flying trapeze**_

_**For a long time he was feeling sick until he lubed his dick**_

_**He humped and he pumped till his brain bled and thumped," **_Sugimi sang to torment his son

"Though his tired nuts are black and blue he became a man when he got his cherry popped it's true," Miroku ragged

"Why don't you two pricks get married? Inuyasha shot back

"We can't Sugimi's already married so that would be bigamy," Miroku replied "We would not want to break the law" now would we? Besides I prefer women"

"Well you can always marry Jakotsu he's close to being a woman anyways," Inuyasha wisecracked

"Is that what you plan to do? Miroku wisecracked "Swinging both ways you gender traitor,"

"No but you are, hah?"

"Unlike you I do not need to be locked up to turn to and enjoy a woman," Miroku retorted

"Ooo, good one," the others exclaimed in unison

A party was held to not only celebrate the holidays but also the matting's of the Taisho males, months later Sesshoumaru, and Inuyasha both found out that they had pups on the way each would have a set of one male and one female twins. As the pups grew old enough to walk on their own Inuyasha thought that he had it made his would defend him, but instead they joined Sesshoumaru's in torturing him relentlessly. Watching this Sugimi was the happiest inu grandfather alive

"Traitorous dogs," Inuyasha griped


	2. Chapter 2 The Naughty Christmas Hanyou

**Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do, Rated R Lemon **

It's the holiday season again and Inuyasha has a new obsession open at least one gift before Christmas only unexpected obstacles stand in his way. The Christmas and New Year fun has yet to begin. Inu, and Sessh have a dog vs dog war. **Written for Christmas 2012, and New Year 2013**. Dedicated to** Killer4853** thanks for the all the reviewsand favoriting so many of my fics. Sorry this was supposed to be posted Jan 1 2013 but due health problems it wasn't. Complete one shot**, Sessh/Kag**

**Merry Freakin Christmas and Crappy New Year 2**

**By Raven-2010, Dec 1 2012**

**Chap, The Naughty Christmas Hanyou**

**Sour balls, little bow ties, Santa Claus, the Christmas reaper**

"Do you have sour balls? Kagome asked

"Yep hold on I'll get you some," Inuyasha answered

"That's a damn shame you're missing out on more blow jobs that way,"

"Cough, holy mother," Sugimi choked on the tea in his throat

"Dirty miko games me like," Sesshoumaru teased his father

"You've just scarred me for life," Sugimi joked

"I would not be your son if I didn't,'

"Damn you wench I thought you meant the candy," Inuyasha said

"Yay Kags," grinning Kagura exclaimed

"Balls are balls I don't discriminate fat large small hairy bald I love em all," Kagome replied

"If she sees yours she's liable to drop dead from shock," Sugimi razzed

"Larger is an inu trademark," proud lecherously grinning Sesshoumaru replied

"I love trimming and grooming bushes smart as wench," Inuyasha said "Want to volunteer?

"I specialize in removing pubic irritations "care to volunteer?

"Forget it you leave my pubes alone their minding their own business and not bothering you so leave them be," Inuyasha replied

"Aw protecting the snowy mound that surrounds the ancient tree,"

"Freaking A with you crazy ass wenches on the loose a guy has to look out for and guard his treasures twenty four seven," he replied

"Coward," she ragged

"Nut cracker,"

Next day

Father have you seen little brother?" Sesshoumaru sweetly asked his sire while holding a scythe over one shoulder

Sugimi coughed nearly choking on the orange juice in his mouth "I think he is in the dining room," he replied with a questioning look in his eyes "What is going on?

"I was asleep happy and relaxed the fool climbed into my bedroom window,"

"And? Sugimi asked

"He was wearing a Santa Claus suit and when I asked who he was he claimed he was Santa Claus. Then from his gift bag took out an ax and said Santa has had a bad year and needs a little stress relief and swung it a few times. When I got near to capturing him he dove out of the window running away like the coward he is,"

"Lovely homicidal Santa," Sugimi said

"I am going to introduce little brother to the grim reaper,"

"Aw how cute my little Sesshypoo is going to play Christmas reaper," he smirked "Wait son stay there for one minute I want to see this," Sugimi exclaimed "Inuyasha come here I have something for you,"

"Okay dad," he came on the double "What do you? He started and stopped when he saw Sesshoumaru with the scythe "New back scratcher big bro?

"Greetings most honored brother,' smiling angelically Sesshoumaru replied "Is your back itchy?

"Got to use the john,'

"Little brother," Sesshoumaru replied

"Hey Kagome," Inuyasha looked the other way trying to trick Sesshoumaru so he could escape

"Pup" Sugimi said

"Yes pop?" Inuyasha answered

"Run and pray while doing it,"

Inuyasha ran like hell while Sesshoumaru swung the scythe and chased him "Santa don't run" what about my gifts? Sesshoumaru taunted

"Look peeps the Christmas reaper," Kouga teased

"What the hell we had homicidal Santa, so it makes sense to have the Christmas reaper. Like book ends they make a perfect set," Bankotsu added

"Go sexy Christmas reaper," the females exclaimed

The group watched the canine chase and nearly peed themselves laughing as they watched Sesshoumaru slowly swinging the scythe while chasing his hellish brother. First went the left sleeve of Inuyasha's favorite blue shirt, then the back of his shirt split down the middle, Sesshoumaru was making it last. Next his right sleeve and the remainder of the shirt landed on the floor, after that the legs of his pants. Ending with the back of the waist band of his pants making the remaining part of his pants fell down around his ankles drastically slowing him down. The whole group busted out laughing when they saw the little yellow red polka dotted bow ties all over his lilac colored underwear

"Papa what did he do to Sesshoumaru? Kagome asked Sugimi told them "Inuyasha is very murderable,"

"Homicidal ax wielding Santa sick?" Miroku exclaimed "And Chris Christmas reaper," he gasped "This is the best holiday season ever,"

"Side benefit sisters and we get a free peep show," Ayame teased

"You son of a bitch," the hanyou cursed "You pantsed me in front of the girls,"

"Do not yowl like a scalded cat you started it with the ax Santa baby. I could easily have relieved you of your undergarments as well," Sesshoumaru reminded him "Have you ever heard the old saying never wake sleeping dogs you might get bitten? And besides why deny the lovely females a sexy show? Now strut like the deranged in love with himself peacock that you are,"

"Yes one moment I will start the music stripper music will be most appropriate for the occasion," Sugimi added "Remember son put some hip into it females are watching," he taunted

"Hey Yash nice package now drop them draws and show us the rest," Kagura ragged "Come on baby don't be shy strut,"

"Wow sexy what a body," Sango added "Make like a tree Santa baby and let me climb you,"

"Hey hot stuff can I take it for a test drive? And cut off the breaks because we won't be making any stops" Kagome razzed "I've got a hundred dollar bill with your name on it,"

"How adorable look at the little bow ties aw mutt is still in his puppy stage of life," Kouga teased

"That is his girl catching outfit," Miroku jabbed

"Such an exhibitionist," Jakotsu teased

"Hey can I lick whipped cream off of your body? Kagome taunted he blushed

"Don't forget the cherries to go with Kaggy," Kagura added

"And chocolate sauce," Ayame exclaimed and licked her lips

"Hentai wenches I need a male chastity belt," Inuyasha replied with his hands over his manhood

The next night

Inuyasha waited till after everyone had eaten and were relaxing after a hearty filling meal, he sneaked out a noise was heard "What the hell is that? Ayame asked

"Don't care stuffed bloated don't want to move," Miroku exclaimed rubbing his bloated belly

"It sounds like rats in the damned wall," Sango said

"Nice leave it to them to show up after you're stuffed bloated and happy and ruin your relaxation," Jakotsu griped

"Ah keep your Jaky strap on straight Jaky," Bankotsu teased "Besides if they become a nuisance we can always make a nice rat stew out of them,"

"Disgusting,' the group exclaimed

Then a scraping sound was heard followed by a heavy thud when they jumped up to go and have a look in the huge fire place a figure dressed in red and white stood "Ho, ho, ho and merry Christmas everyone," the fake Santa aka Inuyasha said

"Oh Santa what did you get us? The girls squealed

Sesshoumaru disappeared quickly and swiftly returned "Lightening strike," he called with the tip of his Tokijin pointed into the fireplace

Inuyasha shrieked leaping and like a rocket shooting back up into the chimney he'd just descended from and onto the roof when lightning struck his butt "Ho, ho, ho bastard Santa's gonna rip you a new one," Inuyasha yelled down into the chimney

"It is your own fault you did not announce yourself I thought it was a burglar and responded accordingly,' Sesshoumaru sweetly and innocently replied

"Thought it was a burglar oh king of hell?" Sugimi teased

"Like all strong alpha dogs I am very protective of my abode,"

"Interesting," Sugimi exclaimed

"I heard that you stinking lying fucktard," Inuyasha snapped

"Wait right there dearest most cherished brother while I call the police and report a burglary in progress," Sesshoumaru loudly announced

"Oh really" and how are you going to explain the scorch marks on my ass Einstein? The hanyou retorted

"The nice police officers as well as the firemen will agree that, that is what you get for trying to have a barbecue on the roof,"

"I will get the barbecue sauce," Kagura teased

"I'll get the meat platter and carving knife," Kouga added

"Okay I will fetch the dishes," Jakotsu exclaimed

"And I the silverware," Bankotsu played along

"So that's how it is" hah? Inuyasha responded then a thunderous sound was heard

"Shit mutt dropped a bomb down the chimney run for it," Kouga warned

Everyone nearly died when reality immediately hit an odor so foul it could wake the dead from their graves in the cemetery bring them to life and kill them all over again. Yes the dementedly twisted hanyou had dropped his draws put his bare butt over the top of the chimney and let one rip. The occupants inside the lovely home had various reactions Jaken, Rin, Shippou and yes even Miroku passed out cold. Sugimi, and Kouga held their hands tightly over their noses. Bankotsu held a small sofa pillow over his nose and glared murderously, Ayame, Kagura, and Sango used shirts and other things to block out the stench

"How do ya like me now bitches?" the gloating pranking hanyou exclaimed

Kagome at first murderously glared daggers then a sick deranged evil and depraved grin formed on her lips. The rest watched as after tying a cloth over her nose, she went over to the fire place and using the reverse blowing setting on the high powered vaccum cleaner put something in the hose then put it inside the chimney as far as it would go and at the same time charged it with a bit of her miko powers and turned it on high as the powerful mix blew with great force into the chimney Inuyasha was sprayed all over with strongly sweet scented perfume. Coughing carried down through the chimney after the perfume hit him full force

"How do ya like us now bitch?" Kagome yelled up into the chimney

"I-I-I," was all he got out thump

"Gotcha" Kagome said and ran out through the door followed by the others

Once outside there lay Inuyasha on the ground in a drunken daze glazed over eyes and a lovely blush on his cheeks "Hawo," he managed to say

"Pup" Sugimi said

"Yas, I mean yup no un yes popsy?" Inuyasha finally managed to speak with slurred speech

"Drinking on the roof" do you not realize how deadly and dangerous that is? Sugimi questioned

"Ass-as-ask Kaskome she spway-sprayed me with that tit, shit yeah that's it shit," Inuyasha tried and finally succeeded in answering

"You sent one of your foul murderous gas balls down through the chimney leaving us to face impending death," Sugimi replied

"Ya-Ya-Yasha needs a nappy poo," Inuyasha stammered

"Because he's a little drunkypoo," Kagome teased

"Wench?

"Yes puppy toes?" Kagome replied

"You play skirty I mean dirty,"

"Well since you graced and blessed us with your lovely manly cologne I thought you deserved a special thank you," Kagome said

"Pank you,"

"Your pelcome," Kagome teased

"Thanks for cleaning the chimney pup," Sugimi ragged

"Queenin da chinny, ah chimney?" the drunken hanyou responded

"Yes look you're wearing the evidence of your good deed," he looked

"Hey who put charcool I mean charcoal dust all over me?" Inuyasha asked slurring his words

"You did my little chimney sweep,"

"Oh damn now I have to take a baf, um bath, yep bath that's it," Inuyasha replied

"Yes you do,"

"Awww damn and it ain't even paturday night," he tried joking

"It need not be Saturday night for you to bathe," Sugimi answered

"What today is?

"Tuesday" Sugimi answered

"Den-then I only have four days to go see you then,"

"As you wish," Sugimi replied

"Hey toot me dawn," he protested when he was lifted off the ground

"It is put me down, no I will not," Sugimi replied "When you are sober you bathe daily sometimes two and three times in a single day,"

"I un a kween fanatic' hah?

"Yes a clean fanatic female's love a clean fresh smelling male," Sugimi told him

"Inupapa wash me?"

"Yes pup," Sugimi replied and continued on heading to the bathroom

"Yay Yashy get bath, can I have rubber pucky ah ducky to?"

"Yes the works," Sugimi told him

"He's like a puppy," Kagome commented

"We've got to get dog breath drunk more often," Kouga said "He's fun,"

"I know, right?" Grinning Bankotsu replied

**Snooping, caught in the act, going to extremes**

The Christmas gifts were wrapped 3 weeks before the big day Inuyasha rubbed his hands together in anticipation of opening his gifts. Grinning Sugimi watched his devious pup mentally laughing his ass of knowing he was chomping at the bit. Sesshoumaru seeing this smirked and gave his sire a knowing nod. Late that night Inuyasha snuck up to the attic he grabbed and eyed a box and was about to shake it

"Have you lost something? Can I help you find it? The voice asked in the dark room

"Ahhhhh" the startled hanyou shrieked the gift went flying one way and he the other landing on his butt "Gods damn it pop will you stop doing that shit?"

"Glad to when you stop gift napping," Sugimi answered

"I was only checking the attic to make sure there are no rats you know what happens when they get into the boxes," Inuyasha replied

"It seems there is only one rat to worry about a rather large oversized troublesome one,"

"Where is it? I'll kill him for you" playing dumb Inuyasha said

"Look in the mirror,"

"Mirror, what's a mirror? Inuyasha responded

"You know that lovely thing you girlishly love to spend hours in front of admiring yourself,' Sugimi jabbed

"On icy roads go play in the traffic during rush hour," the leaving in defeat hanyou answered "Grinch,"

"What was that pup you want to play in the traffic at this ungodly hour?"

"Miserable old goat scaring the shit out of me in the dark," Inuyasha sassed

"Then you best start wearing a diaper to catch the load," Sugimi needled "Naughty Christmas hanyou," a growl was his answer "I love my work,"

Second attempt

Inuyasha was a determined dog with a plan and made up his mind he was going to put it into action and was not about to back down for anyone. He crawled through the heating ducts until he reached the vent cover inside the closet which he quietly and swiftly removed, lowering a fishing line aiming the hook on the end of the line to snag one of the gifts gloating over his victory and smugly smirked he nearly had it then got a surprise

"Yo mutt what's up?" grinning Kouga exclaimed

Bam "Ow, son of a bitch," Inuyasha cursed when after being startled and bumped his head sending the fishing rod plummeting to the floor

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, cheating thieving dogs never prosper," Kouga razzed

"Great leave it to my rabid dog father to put wolf butt breath on guard duty and of all places in the friggin closet,"

"Aw does baby need a hug come here you sweet little fella?" Kouga teased "Kouga loves pups,"

"Aw does wolfy need a thump or two?"

"Okay but first I get to do a lobotomy on you," Kouga shot back

Third try

Sugimi put the gifts under the tree Inuyasha had another clever plan this one was foolproof a new strategy. 2:30 am he sneaked down to the living room seeing the box he wanted the crafty hanyou wearing a disguise reached for it held it in one hand and with one claw from the other was about to slice through the ribbon his claw snagged and got caught he readied himself to try again

"Need a claw file little brother? Sesshoumaru sweetly asked

"Ho, ho, ho," the poor desperate hanyou tried

"Really? Should I call you Inuclaus or Santayasha? You think to fool me with such a lame disguise?

"Ho, ho, ho hey little buddy Santa came to deliver gifts" shouldn't you be in bed asleep? What would your father think? Tell you what if you do not tell anyone you saw me I'll give you an extra present"

"You should be in bed young pup" Pretending to be Santa what would father think? Sesshoumaru replied

"Joy killer,"

"Alright you may open one father is not to know the one wrapped in gold paper," Sesshoumaru told him

"You're the best big brother in the whole world," Inuyasha put the box in his hand down, then picked up the one wrapped in gold paper and started to open it the paper was off he opened it and was hit with minced meat pie the one pie in all the world he hated most

"Shameless you could at least use a plate,"

"Dirty fluffy striped bastard," Inuyasha cursed

"I am a clean bastard with a pleasant scent. You however are a soiled, desperately in need of bathing foul smelling one,"

"You will pay for this believe it," Inuyasha promised

"The back door to the nut house opened and the head nut just snuck out,"

"Wait for it asshole, wait for it,"

"I shall count the hours do not keep me waiting," with a smile Sesshoumaru replied

Next day

"Inuyasha need a claw file? Sugimi razzed

"Minced meat pie yum your favorite," Sango and the others teased he cringed in disgust with a sour look on his face

"Want some whipped cream with that pie little brother? Sesshoumaru needled

"And a nice glass of ice cold milk to go with it?" Miroku added

"Line up and each one of you cheap fuckers and pay twenty bucks to kiss my royal ass," Inuyasha shot back

"Oh wow" seriously you'd pay each of us twenty bucks to kiss our asses? Sweet" Bankotsu teased "Quick everybody line up before el cheapo changes his mind,"

"Make sure to brush your teeth first freshness is essential," Sugimi jabbed

"Will that be bare or clothed asses? Miroku added

"Fuck you perver," Inuyasha started and was cut off

"Both cheeks I wouldn't want one to feel left out," Kagome added

"Come in the back room and I'll show you lots of cheek wench," Inuyasha replied wiggling his eyebrows

"And he calls me a letch," Miroku commented "The choir boy has an X rated side,"

"With you it is the entire female population, except you're your relatives, at least with me it's only one," Inuyasha shot back "But I always was a one wench kind of dog,"

"Says he who has not had any steady loving since his strong right hand got weak nearly breaking off from over exertion and retired one thousand years ago," Miroku needled

"How's you r man made rubber lover? Is that diaper rash cream you're using for penis rubber rug burn working? Inuyasha shot back

"Bless thy staff monk," Bankotso ragged

"No dude more like wash thy staff or end up getting multiple major incurable STD's," Kagura added

"Remember dear you may need the healing of my holy staff one day when you have that problem so be nice, and do not worry I never tell," Miroku replied

"Whoa rebound slap shot," Sango exclaimed

**Send in the clowns, Lexi's makeover **

Inuyasha being unable to get near the gifts constantly fantasized about what he could do for revenge 'Bingo I've got it' he thought as a memory of something hit him

Sesshoumaru went to his room he wanted to take a nice nap, once he neared his room he opened the door then reached over to his right to turn the lights on. The second he did a horrible sight greeted him he wanted to scream but then disbelief took over. He turned the lights off then after a few seconds he flipped the light switch hoping he would not again see what he had seen, however his wish was not granted strings of bright blinking Christmas lights were strung from the light in the middle of the ceiling down to the baseboards on the walls looking like a tent standing there in the corner was a 6 foot clown wearing a Santa outfit trimmed with white fur and a symbol in each hand banging them together.

On his bed lay a female clown with a red Christmas tree light bulb on each boob where the nipple would be and it said "Hey there big boy," at first he wanted to kill Inuyasha but then discovered he was too tired to care at this time

On the other side of the room was the last clown a male wearing a butler suit that was made of the same red cloth the Santa outfit was made of cuffs collar and hems trimmed in white fur with a serving tray in one gloved hand "Good evening lord fluffy welcome home" what is your pleasure a dog bone, or a can of tuna cat food,"

"Clowns I hate clowns," Sesshoumaru said 'Clowns I will show him clowns, you wanted it now you're going to get it' he thought

The following day

Every day Inuyasha went to visit his nice shiny cherry red with tan upholstery car and found a shocking surprise, it was gone silently he stood there too shocked to move. Once he regained his bearings he headed back into the house to see Sesshoumaru lounging on the couch with his arms resting on the back of the sofa. Inuyasha looked at him suspected something funny but brushed it off as his own paranoia. Then it turned out to be a major surprise Sesshoumaru pointed to something large wrapped in decorative paper

Sesshoumaru looked over his shoulder "What?

"My, my" Inuyasha couldn't finish "Somebody took her,"

"What your rubber ducky?

Curiosity nagged and got the better of him he walked over to looked at and then began taking the paper off of one of the large objects. A shriek tore from his lips as he looked at the leather seats of his car were revealed. He gasped his mouth gaping he had lost all ability to think or speak

"Merry Freakin Christmas and Crappy New Year little brother," Sesshoumaru said with a wicked grin

"You, you took my car then took her seats out?"

"Did I? Sesshoumaru innocently replied

"You know you did" what did Lexi ever do to you?

"Nothing her owner did, she says hey," Sesshoumaru said

"You, you brainless Chihuahua," Inuyasha insulted "Don't cry when you die in your sleep,"

"Unlike you I am a large breed, and I will not die in my sleep it will be under a female,"

"You ravaged Lexi and left her half naked," Inuyasha complained

"You clowned my room,"

"Oh whoopty fucking doo at least I didn't fuck with your car," Inuyasha shot back

"You started it,"

"I don't give a shit what you did to my Lexi was way worse," Inuyasha snapped

"You turned my room into a clowned Christmas nightmare you know I detest them,"

"Don't be such a wuss you murdered my beautiful car over a couple of fuckin," Inuyasha stopped in mid rant when he heard

"Ahhhh, dear kami what the hell, it's an alien invasion?" Sugimi shrieked "I'm blind," Kirrara screeched her fur stood on end and she put her paws over her eyes "See even the poor cat is shell shocked,"

"It seems father has discovered your masterpiece in my room,"Sesshoumaru calmly stated

"My baby," Sango said as looking like a big fur ball with her fur standing up all fluffed out Kirrara came running she leapt up onto Sango and down inside her shirt

"Lucky cat," Miroku exclaimed

"Mother of heaven I think I am not only damaged for life but I am also scarred for life to," Sugimi exclaimed "Which one of you boys? What was I thinking? Never mind" Inuyasha?

"Gulp, dammit,"

"Oh this I have got to see," Bankotsu exclaimed then bolted up the stairs followed by the others

"My eyes my I'm blind," Bankotsu and the rest of the gang said "It's Christmas clown hell,"

"Father is calling," evilly smiling Sesshoumaru reminded "Be a good pup and go to papa,"

"Stow it fuzz ball,"

"Pup come to daddy," Sugimi too sweetly said "Come on inu papa is not mad,"

"Shit," the hanyou exclaimed and ran "Right like I trust you' he thought

"Sesshoumaru did he just?" Sugimi asked

"Yes ran like the coward he is,"

Sugimi came down the steps "Have you taken revenge for the horror that once was your room? He looked and when he saw it 'Inuyasha's car seats giftwrapped," then snickered "Extreme and genius,"

"I thought so,"

"What did you do with his car? Sugimi asked. Sesshoumaru laughed sadistically "I am afraid to inquire any further,"

"Patience sire when he returns you'll soon know,"

"I shall count the minutes with great anticipation," Sugimi replied "Does he not remember what I told him fifty million times never screw with a dogs den? And that is what your bedrooms are"

Inuyasha came home looked at Sesshoumaru glaring daggers muttered a string of curse words to which Sesshoumaru did not respond. Sugimi sat next to his eldest not saying a word patiently waiting he heard Inuyasha open his room door dead silence not what he was expecting knowing how much of a ball breaker Sesshoumaru was in revenge mode and once was not enough it was like throwing a match on gasoline so after the clowns he knew his eldest was going for the big kill this time, then it came

"Ahhhhhhhhh," Inuyasha screamed at the top of his lungs "You, you son of a bitch I'll kill you," thump Inuyasha had leapt over the second floor railing landing with a thud "Now you're dead poodle boy,"

"Yawn, yes I have heard this a million times before but yet I still breathe life," Sesshoumaru replied

"Die you fucker," Inuyasha cursed reaching over the back of the couch swiping his claws at his brother who easily dodged his attack

"What's up little bro you're so slow?" Sesshoumaru taunted

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," Inuyasha screamed while trying to slice him with his deadly claws

"Well I am bored now so I shall take my leave," Sesshoumaru said in a bored cool tone infuriating his brother even more

"Bastard," Inuyasha cursed then leapt at Sesshoumaru he dodged and a chase began

"Boys? Sugimi called

Both froze Sesshoumaru in mid run and Inuyasha in mid claw swipe looking like statues it was a comical sight "Yes father? Sesshoumaru answered

"What? Inuyasha snapped

"Kill each other but do not destroy my house," Sugimi said

"Yes father,"

"I'm not making any promises," Inuyasha responded, the chase resumed

"Now to see what started this round," Sugimi headed to Inuyasha's room when he looked burst out laughing on his bed was his car doors with a note

_**I am at the salon having a makeover take care of these until I return all my love**_

_**Sexy Lexi**_

"I cannot wait to see what comes next," Sugimi said, the others came looked and nearly died laughing

Two days had passed since the incident Sesshoumaru brought Inuyasha's' beloved Lexi back she was a beautiful cherry red car with a creamy tan interior which her seats matched. Sesshoumaru put it in the three car garage they had in its usual spot only something was different very different. Lexi still had her cherry red body but now had bright pink doors with red lips all over them and pink seats and interior that matched the doors even the spokes on the tires were the same pink

"Sesshoumaru you didn't, you did?" Sugimi said as he looked at Sesshoumaru's newest work of art "I may have to put life and death insurance on you boys,"

"Only on little brother since I will not be the one dying,"

"I am going to need ear plugs" aren't I? Sugimi replied

'Possibly,"

With Inuyasha

After a nice relaxing nap Inuyasha woke up and like a cat stretched with a yawn, he thought about having a snack his favorite thing and freezing cold mug of milk and a raw steak, Sugimi always kept mugs in the freezer. He headed down to the kitchen took a mug out of the freezer closed the door then opened the refrigerator door filled it with milk then grabbed one of the steaks. He swallowed down some milk and had just bit into the meat with his fangs when the phone rang

"Hawo," he answered with the steak still between his fangs

"Inuyasha Taisho please,"

"Ah hah,"

"Good news mister Taisho we found your car and have brought it to your home," the woman said a friend of Sesshoumaru who was helping him with his current plan

"Lexi" the over joyed hanyou called out letting the steak fall from his fangs and hit the floor and took off running toward the garage "Daddies coming,"

Sugimi, and Sesshoumaru watched the streak known as Inuyasha run passed them "Everyone I suggest you cover your ears," Sugimi told them

"Okay" Kagome and the other responded

Inuyasha entered the garage and gasped eyes widened with horror he couldn't speak "Five four three two," Bankotsu counted

"Ahhhhhhh," Inuyasha shrieked "No, no, no, no my baby" what did they do to you? You've been violated, wait a minute Sesshoumaru I can't believe it he actually did this to my car asshole now it looks like a chicks car. You will pay for this"

"I spared no expense," Sesshoumaru replied "Only the best for you dear brother,"

"Start making funeral plans genius because today's your lucky day," Inuyasha bellowed

"He was in the garage lets go and get a look," Kouga said, he and the others went to the garage then howls of laughter broke loose

"It seems that they approve," Sesshoumaru commented they came back

"M-mutt face now it's a chick, chick magnet," laughing and panting for breath Kouga razzed

"The lips on the doors say I'm a kissing lover," gasping for air Kagura added

"More like a kissing fool," Miroku jabbed

"Guess flowers and dinner dates are out dated and no longer in style," laughing panting for air Sugimi added

"Asshole see what you did fucking pink you made Lexi look like a freak," Inuyasha barked

"You want a kiss sweetness all you had to do is ask," Ayame teased

"Shall we ladies? Grinning deviously Sango asked

"We should," the females agreed

"Oh no it's wenches gone wild," backing away from the females Inuyasha said

"Pucker up little brother," Sesshoumaru teased

"Nah more like man up," Miroku, Jakotsu, and Bankotsu razzed

"Come on mutt it's time to take one for the team," Kouga jabbed

"I've got to use the little demons room we'll talk when I get back," the crafty hanyou tried "Umph hey," he groaned when they pounced "No stop I have severe wench allergies," he protested as they kissed his face and neck

"Well my son is a chick magnet. Aw this takes me back to my teenage dog hood years," Sugimi taunted

"Stop get off you crazy wenches," Inuyasha protested squirming to get away "Hey Kagura get your lips off my ear," he managed to get some leverage sprang to his feet "Bye" and ran

**Monster truck, paws**

Sesshoumaru could not believe his eyes he didn't want to why would anyone want to do this to the one thing he loved more than his own life? His face turned white as snow with shock then he started to turn red as he stared at his silver car with cream color interior and seats. The interior, seats, and hub caps were bright red it had huge tires on it from an eighteen wheel truck like the ones put on cars at monster truck rallies making it stand high up off the ground on the sides was a bare butt shooting neon pink flames from front to the back

"You've been defiled," he said as he lovingly stroked one door with his hand. When the engine was turned on the front lifted up and down thanks to the hydraulic lift and played rap music the lyrics made his blood run cold

_**Monster Truck**_

"_**Whoa baby you make my heart stop I wanna know who gets to be on top? **_

_**Show me what you've got pop those tities out of that barely there shirt with my hand up under your skirt I'll pop the hood and see what's good**_

_**You make me hard as a rock want you to ride my nine inch cock. **_

_**Yo I'm a dirty bastard with no class and I'm gonna polish that big sweet ass**_

_**I feel your hand wondering up my thigh then it comes to a stop no baby that ain't keys in my pocket it's my rocket**_

_**I'll introduce you to my tongue and make you come undone hit every crack to reality you will never want to come back **_

_**I will make you pop your cookie with some hard core nooky **_

_**In my monster truck long hard and slow we'll fuck,"**_

"Disgusting," Sesshoumaru said as he listened to Inuyasha rapping he really was good at it. He was speechless, than the rapping stopped

"That was Monster Truck by yours truly,"

"Mangy hanyou," Sesshoumaru seethed

"I don't give a fuck and I hope you like your monster truck. I had to scratch an itch guess payback is a bitch. I hope you enjoyed meeting her you sorry ass mangy cur," was the final message

"The boy has no class," Sesshoumaru said his hands fisted at his sides the green glow of his poisonous claws showing a bit. He was snapped out of his daze by

"Wow mutt can rap," Kouga exclaimed

"And blood will run," Sugimi said

"It seems our hanyou friend is dirtier than me," Miroku commented

"He rap's I cannot believe it he actually rap's?" shocked Ayame exclaimed

"He should be good at it he does get all A's in talking shit," Sesshoumaru stated

"Inuyasha's so busy he's forgotten about gift napping," Sugimi said 'If these two continue I will not have to worry about keeping him away from the gifts' he thought

"It is alright father I forgive him," looking to calm Sesshoumaru exclaimed

"Uh oh,"

Two days later

Inuyasha was in dog heaven he had just cleaned his room, put a nice new sky blue bedspread and mint green sheets on his king sized bed he was proud as a peacock as he stood there admiring his new goodies. That being done he left the house to go to the store up the street and buy some goodies. Then kick back relax and watch some movies when he came back, meanwhile something else was as they say in the works

"Hmhmhm," Sesshoumaru hummed "Merry Christmas to me Merry Christmas to me I am so clever it's scary it is going to be the best one ever," he sang while holding a bag in his hand

"Sesshoumaru?

"Yes dear sire of mine?" he replied as he headed towards the stairs with something in his hand

"Should I ask? Sugimi said

"I think it best you do not,"

"Oh boy I can hardly wait for dog breath to come home," rubbing his hands in anticipation smiling Kouga exclaimed

Sesshoumaru headed up stairs humming all the way up the steps "Shit this is going to be epic," Sango said

"It's times like this I wish there was a hidden camera in Yashys room," Jakotsu added

"Kiddies shall we get the popcorn chips and other goodies ready for the coming show?" Sugimi asked they said yes in a flash the snacks and drinks were set up

"Sesshys a happy dog a happy, happy dog ," Sesshoumaru sang as he prepared his gift in Inuyasha's room then it went dead quiet for a while a short time later Sesshoumaru sauntered down the stairs in dog form

"Son what have you done? Sugimi questioned

"I went for a walk," Sesshoumaru replied in inu language

"In your brothers room?"

"No comment," Sesshoumaru answered

"So that's how it is," Sugimi said

"Even dogs must stretch their legs," he responded and walked away

"It is times like this I wish I weren't a dog," Sugimi exclaimed

"You can use a spell and become a neko then you will be neko papa instead of inu papa," Sugimi growled

"Shit Sessh you didn't crap on the mutts bed did you?" Kouga asked

"Worse of all hose it down after all he is the size of a Great Dane," Ayame said

"Nope" he answered in inu language

Inuyasha came home goodies in hand "Yo peeps what's up?"

"Depends on what kind of up you speak of," Miroku said

"Gods damn it monk is your brain ever anywhere but up under some girls skirt?" Inuyasha jabbed

"Best and safest place in the whole world to be," the grinning batting his eyes monk replied

"Be back in a sec," Inuyasha said set his goodies down then headed upstairs to his room "Sesshoumaru you dirty no good bastard I'm going to fucking dismember you," thump he landed down on the first floor with a thud "Where are you, you furless pussy?"

"Furless pussy?" the other males exclaimed looking at each other questioningly

"Pant, woof," the white dog sitting innocently in the corner responded

"Hope you're ready to die mutt," Inuyasha snapped flexing his claws

Sesshoumaru turned his back put his tail up and moved his rear from side to side "Woof" then doggie laughed

"Eew put your bunghole away, will you, nobody wants to see that cover it up?" Sesshoumaru said nothing aimed his butt directly at Inuyasha and let a ripe one rip "Ah I'm going to die," Inuyasha whined with his hand clamped over his mouth "Call nine one, one my nose is burning,"

"Woof" the white dog responded and waved his butt tauntingly

"You think it's funny huh?" Inuyasha snapped then lunged Sesshoumaru took off

"Are you thinking what I am?" batting his filled with merry mirth Sugimi asked

"Yup," they said in unison, Sugimi was the first up the stairs

Gut wrenching laughter filled their ears as they climbed the steps Sugmi stood one hand on the door frame of Inuyasha's room for balance because if he didn't he'd fall flat on his ass. The others crowded around to get a look what they saw made them gasp then nearly died as they burst out laughing. All over Inuyasha's new bed clothes, the room walls, ceiling, floor, windows and furniture were dog paw prints Sesshoumaru had put black paint on all four paws and walked all over everything he even did the blue drapes that matched Inuyasha's bedding

"W-well he did say he went for a-a walk," Sugimi choked out "Looks like it was a long one too,"

"Hey papa Sessh should open an art schoo- school," Sango managed to get out between laughs

"Oh dear gods now this war will never end," Sugimi gasped "Oh well on the upside Inuyasha is so occupied with Sesshoumaru he's forgotten all about gift napping,"

Two days after the war had begun

For now it seemed the brothers were on a time out after all even relentless hellions need a break now and then, but that doesn't mean Sesshoumaru did not find other ways of torturing his dear little brother. Sesshoumaru unknown to a certain hanyou had grown increasingly closer to a certain female. She and Sesshoumaru were sitting on the floor in their favorite spot in the den, Inuyasha was looking for something and came upon them Sesshoumaru had his hand on Kagome's arm

"What are you doing? Inuyasha asked

"Playing checkers," Sesshoumaru casually answered

"Bull, now what's going on," the indignant hanyou demanded

"Checking her pulse and listening to her heartbeat I am practicing for medical school,"

"You're not even in medical school try again ass hat," Inuyasha replied

"Very well but remember you asked,"

"Yeah fine whatever just get to it Doctor love glove," the hanyou wisecracked

"Combing her fur," the grinning taiyoukai answered

"Cough, fur combing/" Inuyasha choked

"Yes combing fur, c-o-m-b-i-n-g, f-u-r," Sesshoumaru spelled to drive his brother nuts

"I heard you I can read write and spell you know,"

"Yes but can you comprehend? Sesshoumaru needled

"Duh fur face" what happened did your tail crawl up your butt?

"Miko next I must take your temperature," Sesshoumaru casually mentioned

"Okay Sesshy," Kagome played along

"What the? Inuyasha started

"Want to stay and watch," Kagome innocently asked

"Yes I have lots of experience and no objections," Sesshoumaru needled readying to open his pants

"Oh my gods hell fucking no," the nearly having a heart attack hanyou replied "You pornographic pervert,"

"Ooo Sesshy let that wild stallion out," Kagome added with a serious look on her sweet face "Can I measure it to?

"You may do anything you wish with him he is all yours,"

"I, ah, have to, um," Inuyasha stammered and took of face red as a tomato "Measure it eew,"

"We've scarred him for life he'll never be the same," Kagome exclaimed

"And I will do it again first chance I get,' Sesshoumaru replied

With Inuyasha

"I need a drink that'll do it," the looking for sake rattled hanyou said

"Yo dog breath what happened are your panties riding up your butt crack," Kouga razzed "Or did you lose your tail?

"No dumb ass, and if I had a tail I'd strangle you with it," Inuyasha shot back

"Alright boys give it a rest, and I want to know what's going on and what has you so rattled?" Sango said

"It must have been something wonderful," smiling Miroku added

"Nothing, not a damn thing," Inuyasha replied

"Cough up the info dog," Sango hounded "I will give you a big fat juicy stake,"

"I've got nothing to tell so drop it,"

"Sure you don't," Kouga said

"Gods damn you Miroku let me the fuck out of this," Inuyasha demanded when Miroku hit him with a binding sutra

"In there you will stay until you talk,"

"Bastard," the hanyou cursed "You better hire a bodyguard," he bit then told them what happened

"Ah yes combing the fur might I say lord sesshoumaru is a man after my own heart. I wonder if he parts his to the left or to the right, I prefer mine in the middle it makes for easier access,"

"You hentai bastard" now will you let me the hell out of this trap? Inuyasha snapped

"I'll get back to you in a week," a growl was Inuyasha's response then his demonic crests began to appear on his cheeks "Oh fine if you're going to get all demony about it," he removed the sutra

The second Inuyasha was up he closed in on Miroku then his lips curled up into a sick grin. Miroku gulped and in a split second Inuyasha sliced Miroku's shirt and pants leaving him standing there in nothing but his purple briefs and a beet red face

"There, is that demony enough for ya?" Inuyasha wisecracked

"Woo hoo monk nice legs," Kouga teased

"That's a sweet little ass you've got there Miroku," Sango ragged "Come on and strut your stuff,"

"Ha, ha ya perverted fucker now play show and tell like a good boy," Inuyasha needled

"Yeah shake it don't break it, it took your mama nine months just to make it,"

"This is so unfair," Miroku complained

"Why because instead of you doing the groping you're the one being felt up?" Sango needled

"Gasp, hah,"

"I was right looks and feels good to," Sango teased

"Sango you're feeling my as?

"Yes a real live girl is actually feeling your ass, bet your surprised" hah? Inuyasha delighted in teasing "So how's it feel being groped instead of doing the groping?

"Solid packed nice shape," Sango said smirking

"Relax monk try not to get your twig in a twist," Inuyasha razzed "Well will you look at that the friggin pervert is actually blushing, later monk try not to explode," he finished and headed off to get some food

"Sango" Miroku exclaimed

"Don't be shy my little monk,"

"Yeah Roku man up and enjoy it" isn't this what you always wanted? Enjoying the sight of the nervous monk Kouga needled

"Uh, I-I um have to run," Miroku stammered and ran like hell

"Guess that's one perv going into early retirement short though that might be," Kouga added "Hey monk better put some lotion on your hands before you stroke the lizard dry rough skin is hard on their tender little bodies," he yelled to the retreating monks form

"Little? Kouga heard Miroku gripe

"God I love screwing with him," Sango exclaimed "I always get hungry after a good show lets go eat," Miroku stayed in hiding for two days

Two days after the event

**Fluffy's Girl, combing the fur, demon wine**

Sesshoumaru or as Sugimi nick named him Devilmaru was up to something and Kagome was in on it they'd disappear while Inuyasha was out so the hanyou wouldn't know. Seeing Kagome with a notebook in hand he figured they were drawing diagrams for whatever deviltry they were going to unleash. He and the rest of the group watched and were waiting, Miroku stated he thought it'd be epic and seriously ball busting. The next day Inuyasha went out and Kagome and Sesshoumaru went into his room shuffling and tapping were heard

"There they go the practical joking Yakuza twins," Kouga commented when the tapping began

"Somehow I just know we will not have to wait long," Sugimi added

Inuyasha came home and headed straight to his room opened the door turned on the lights only this time something was very different first everyone heard moving then the big thing happened. Sesshoumaru was nearly choking trying not to laugh Kagome had her face buried in Sesshoumaru's chest to keep from busting out laughing, Sugimi looked at them with inquiring eyes

"Pa-patience father," Sesshoumaru gasped

_**Fluffy's girl**_

"_**Yo check out the big strong jock saying he wants me to ride his nine inch cock. Well here's the clincher I don't do no nine incher. Now here's the thing for me it is a must it has to be twelve inches or bust. Slipping and sliding his twelve inches I'll be riding **_

_**He says in his monster truck long slow and hard we'll fuck and he will make me pop my cookie with some hard core nooky**_

_**We stopped and parked yeah that's it are you shitting me it's over? Thank you for nothing rover, guess this was a wasted trip what a jip. Well sadly this tells the tale I could get more action and satisfaction in jail, he can't stick it guess he will just have to lick it**_

_**Keep it stiff no, no he just can't keep it stiff, keep it stiff no, no he just can't keep it stiff and I'm still so horny just remembered this dude he calls fluffy dial his number he answers, could you use a little action? I need some satisfaction**_

_**He says name the time and place I'll take my time and use a slow pace. He pulls up in his black monster truck flames shooting down the sides six two and all man now I'm a horny wench with a plan**_

_**He helps me up and I get in, in a flash my skirt was up his pants down and I got introduced to twelve glorious hard inches he parted the hedge slipped inside and I began to ride I've got to tell ya in no time I was screaming hallelujah **_

_**Three hours later he was still holding strong we wound up going all night long he made my toenails curl and from now on I'm fluffy's girl. As for teat mouthy jock when he got word of it well let's just say he is still in shock"**_

"_**That's Fluffy's Girl by you know me Kagsy," **_Kagome's voice came booming

Inuyasha stood silent mouth agape watching while as the rap music played his bed went up and down thanks to the hydraulic lift he used on Sesshoumaru's car that Sesshoumaru had installed under his bed along with a sound system. Poor Sugimi fell off the couch landing on his back on the floor holding his stomach laughing tapping one foot on the floor and he nearly lost the ability to breath. Sesshoumaru finally released the held back laughter leaning to the side falling over with his head on Kagome's lap and she bent over him tears pouring down her cheeks soaking Sesshoumarus shirt as she howled in laughter. Speechless gasping Kouga was pointing at Kagome and busted out laughing ten times harder

"Devilmaru, mi-miko," Sugimi choked out barely able to speak

"Duh I am a-de-demon" are-aren't I? Sesshoumaru gasped

"Kagome oh-oh my gods you fucking rule," panting for air Ayame exclaimed

"Twelve inches look it it's a telephone pole," coughing Bankotsu managed to get out

"Son," Sugimi choked

"Y-y-yes father," Sesshoumaru panted

"Twelve in-inch show off,"

"Free long distance calling every-everyone," Kagura teased

"In his case extra-long distance," Sango gasped

"Sire," Seshoumaru said

"Yes Sessh-Sesshypoo?" still rolling in laughter Sugimi answered

"Fourteen inch murder-murderer," choking for air Sesshoumaru jabbed

"Kaggy was driving stick," Sango teased

"A foot long too," pervertedly smiling Miroku added

"Foot long sausage just the way I-I like em," Kagome panted "Think Inuyasha shit a brick yet?

'She can rap, oh-oh my god our Kaggy can rap," Jakotsu squealed and continued laughing

"Hey how come mutt isn't throwing a fit making threats and screaming? He's to flippin quiet" Kouga commented

"Uh oh," wiping his eyes Sugimi exclaimed

The laughing group finally calmed down and still it was silent Inuyasha had not so much as uttered a peep they all waited with baited breath and were prepared for the unexpected especially the youkai. Footsteps were heard on the second floor then headed down the steps headed toward the living room, then a pale white as a sheet hanyou stepped into view wide eyes he was much like a zombie and moved more like a robot instead of a person, then for a few seconds stood still staring as if in a trance

"Bed up and down, jock, wench, fluffy, twelve inches?" was all the poor shell shocked hanyou got out before he wordlessly disappeared

'I cannot believe it our Yashy is calm, and quiet" what no tantrum, screaming, and threats? Jakotsu

"May-maybe little brother has retired from hellionism," Laughing all over again Sesshoumaru exclaimed

"Sessh have you been smoking weed? Inuyasha give up we're talking about mutt face here he's even known as lord ball breaker in hell it is said that one day he will drive Acuma insane," Kouga said

"Yup word through the grapevine tells me the same thing," Ayame added

"Wolf a boy can dream" can't he? Sesshoumaru teased Kouga

'What the hell why not?" Kouga replied

Three days after the bed incident

"Yo don't drink that Kagome," Inuyasha warned

"Oh please what do I look five years old? I'm of age,"

"But" Inuyasha tried but it was too late she gulped it down "It's demon wine and your human, oh boy," he mumbled and smacked his forehead with the palm of his right hand

"Oh this is going to be fun," Jakotsu exclaimed

"Yup she's human so it shouldn't be long now," Ayame added

"I wonder what the miko will do first? Sugimi said

Then it began Kagome started feeling all warm and fuzzy and so relaxed she looked around wearing the happiest smile in history "Hello peeps, what's up?"

"Ah Kagome you're eight sheets to the wind," Inuyasha announced

"Duh, Skome runk,"

"Yes my favorite wench Kagome drunk," the smirking hanyou replied 'Oh this is priceless' he thought

"Hehehe, am I under arrest ocifficer, I mean officer?" Sesshoumaru entered the room "He cop," she said pointing to Inuyasha, then pointed at Sesshoumaru "So you must be the captain,"

"Hm" was Sesshoumaru's simple reply

"Kagome you drunken sot," Inuyasha teased

"Dwunken, ah drunken hot," the miko replied

"Miko? Sesshoumaru called

"What a miko is? Hello big doggie"

"You are a miko and are currently intoxicated on demon wine," Sesshoumaru answered "Come" he picked her up bridal style

"Hey you're pretty," she complimented

"Ah thank you I think,"

"Wow crescent moon, stripes, red eye lids cool their pretty too," Kagome added stroking his markings "Some boys are cute but not as pretty as you though,"

"Oo Sesshy is man pretty," Inuyasha teased with his hands clasped together held against one cheek with a dreamy look

"Little brother,"

"Yes pretty Sesshy sama?" Inuyasha replied

"Continue as you are and you will not live long enough to see or enjoy Christmas or the New Year," Sesshoumaru promised

"Sniff for somebody so pretty you sure are cranky," Inuyasha ragged wiping away false tears

"To quote you little brother go play in the traffic during rush hour on an icy night wearing only a smile," Sesshoumaru jabbed turned and carried Kagome to her room

"Wee Kamome get ride?" she drunkly exclaimed "Hey you have face and arm stripes" where else do you have stwipes, um stripes?

"Yes miko you get a ride," he climbed the stairs "To answer your question I have stripes in places your virgin eyes should never wander," he whispered in her ear and smirked, he stopped opened the door and went into Kagome's room pulled back the bedclothes laid her on the bed and took off her shoes

"Hey Sessh know what I always wanted to do?"

"No what have you always wan?" he started but was silenced when simultaneously his head was pulled down by the neck of his shirt and her lips covered his after a long passionate kiss she pulled back "Inu's taste good you chocolate fiend," she teased after tasting the chocolate in his mouth

"Allow me to show my appreciation," he took her lips again

Downstairs

"Fluffs been up there a long time" what about twenty minutes or more now? Inuyasha commented

"Maybe Kagome had a back ache and he's giving her a back rub," Miroku said

"Aw maybe she's cold and he is keeping her warm," Kagura added to drive her favorite hanyou nuts

"Plus she was lonely and needed company," Bankotsu exclaimed

"Oh the grand pups will be beautiful," Sugimi gushed with a dreamy eyed look he loved unnerving his son

"Whaaaaat," Inuyasha screeched "No fucking way,"

"Oh boy I will be an aunty," Sango teased "Hope it's twins a boy and girl,"

"Sadistic bastards quit fucking with me," Inuyasha snapped

"Fucking that's the key word" know what I mean? Winking with one eye Jakotsu needled

"I hear nothing la, la, la, la," Inuyasha responded ears flat against his head and hands covering them he walked away

"Oh Sesshy darling a little to the left," Kagura razzed

"Miko you're so tight," Miroku added they continued until he was out of sight

"Yes I am going to be laying pipe for days," Kagura added

**Under the Christmas tree**

12 Midnight Christmas day while the others slept all except two were still awake and one was chasing the other all over the place yes Sesshoumaru was one determined dog chasing and hunting down his prey. Once Kagome was caught she would pay the price. Sesshoumaru finally found his miko under the of all places the Christmas tree hiding behind the gifts, he reached in grabbing one of her ankles and gently but firmly pulled her out

"So little minx thought you'd gotten away from me" did you?

"Oh damn it, okay what's Santa going to give me for Christmas?"

"Something special very special," Sesshoumaru answered

"Oh yeah and that would be? Kagome answered

"No more will you taunt me and escape me,"

"So what do I get tell me pretty please?" she replied

"This was his last reply," he said

**Lemon starts**

Before she knew it she was on her back on the floor pinned between Sesshoumaru and the floor she nearly howled in pleasure when he slipped inside of her completely filling her. She slightly raised her hips when he started sliding in and out the sensations that he felt like he was going to explode his shaft swelled a bit expanding the walls of her tight hot passage. Without breaking the skin she bit his shoulder to keep from screaming his name to the heavens as a heavy climax hit like a ton of bricks when she pulled away from his shoulder he kissed her hard then started pumping harder quickly bringing her to completion again

Tongues danced and stroked each other as they explored each other's mouths the kissing was increasing their desires, He sucked on her breasts for a little while then kissed his way up her chest and neck back to her lips shifting his hips in different so he'd hit all the right spots making her release multiple times. He suddenly sped up his pace it was near very near

He threw his head back "Oh gods,"

"Sessh-Sesshoumaru more please more," he started pounding into her like a jackhammer

"Yes like that,"

"_**Ahhhhh,"**_ both simultaneously when their massive climaxes hit with the force of a tidal wave

Fangs pierced and sunk into the left side of her neck marking her as his, she turned and did the same to him making him howl in his mind his beast was mad with desire. The room was aglow as their powers merged creating new powers they'd share for eternity before settling back into their bodies, he moved his rod in a circular motion inside her and drove her mad and making her thrust upward he started moving harder and faster, with her feet on his buttocks she pulled him to her more

"_**Yeeeees,"**_

"_**Kagome," **_releases hit them hard and heavy

**Lemon continues**

12: 20 am Inuyasha woke up and was going to go downstairs and get a glass of milk he stopped when he heard a groan he sneaked a peek and saw Sesshoumaru, and Kagome on the floor mating under the Christmas tree

The following morning

"Hello brother" how are you feeling? I hope you are faring well

"And the reason for your inquiry is? Sesshoumaru asked

"Good morning pups," Sugimi teased as he sat down at the breakfast followed by the others

"Well little brother are you going to answer me," Sesshoumaru told him

"I saw Santa giving it to the wench underneath the Christmas tree oh what sight they'll be at it all night. Santa was working double time cleaning her pipes with his special plunger oh how his name she was screaming as he had her creaming. Now Christmas will never be the shame and they are to blame," Inuyasha sang in

"Your level of depravity knows no boundaries and never ceases to amaze me," Sesshoumaru said

"Well next time pick a private place you're the one who chose to do your humping in a public area," Inuyasha retorted

"Take it easy On Santa Yasha he was just getting his freak on," Jakotsu ragged

"My eldest has finally taken a mate,," Sugimi said

The lights went out then came back on on and standing there was the most beautiful humanoid neko in history "Hey who turned on the lights," Inuyasha asked "Sniff , K-Kirrara?

"Who else would it be?

"Wow she's hot," Souta exclaimed then clamped a hand over his mouth

"Thanks dream boat so are you,"

"You think so? Souta replied "Thanks"

"Ah hah, we'll talk later," she winked, he smiled


	3. Chapter 3 Inupapa and special Brownies

**Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do. Rated R language, raw humor, Lemon**

Kagome learns something surprising about inupapa something Inuyasha dreads and is hilarious. An internet dating service has surprising consequences. Tis the season and holiday war has been waged when Inuyasha's newest masterpiece sends Sesshoumaru into revenge mode, who ever knew one could ever wake up to such horror? **A/N** those wating for fics I promised you I haven't forgotten I'm working on them, I am sorry for the past few months I had a lot of family problems, I'm far behind and hate it. thanks lol. Complete one shot. Romance, comedy **Sessh/Kag**

**Merry Freakin Christmas and Crappy New Year 3**

**By Raven-2010, Jan 1 2014**

**Special brownies, holiday messages, wolf lovin**

Inuyasha sniffed and couldn't believe his nose "Is that what I think it is?

"What do you think it is? Kagome wisecracked, she had come to visit bringing a treat with her

"Real funny wench now gimmie, gimmie, gimmie," he nagged with one hand outstretched

"Greedy muc?" Kagome started

"Sniff. Ah yes nature's sweet gift from heaven," Sugimi exclaimed

"Gulp shit," the suddenly nervous hanyou exclaimed "Where the hell did he come from?

"What's your problem is your thong riding up on you and twisting your short hairs? Kagome needled

"Oh no," Inuyasha whimpered

"Oh no what? She asked "Does someone have a tummy ache and needs a belly rub? Annoying him was fun

"Oh positively sinful it is almost better than sex," the elder inu said "Oh there should be a law against something being this wonderful,"

"Wench, what have you done?"

"Nothing but I am about to strangle an annoying puppy eared dog hint, hint,"

"You can-can't do that with him, especially with him," the hanyou stammered pointing

"I know demons are not supposed to go to heaven but I think I am on my way," finishing off his third brownie Sugimi exclaimed

"That wench that" why did you? Inuyasha wailed "How could you do this? Now we-we're doomed"

"What stand here listening to a babbling badly in need of psych meds making no sense idiot?"

"Oh I think I'm in love," Sugimi exclaimed he had already eaten four brownies out of two dozen and was already polishing off a fifth one, Kagome smiled proudly "If it were alive I'd make it my mate forever,"

"Sesshoumaruuuuu" the hanyou called out

"What is it cretin?"

"Dad special brownies on his fifth one,"

"Shit" Sesshoumaru who Kagome had never before heard cussing cursed

"What the hell's going on here?" the unknowing miko asked

At break neck speed Sesshoumaru came flying down the stairs from the second floor as he looked into the dining room sized kitchen eyes widened with horror he gasped "Little brother,"

"Wench, Special brownies made, pop five ate," he was so panicky he couldn't form complete sentences

"Ruuuuuuun," was all Sesshoumaru said they turned to run and suddenly came to a halt

"Going somewhere boys? Suddenly in front of his pups Sugimi playfully asked with deviltry dancing in his eyes "Tsk, tsk, tsk not nice my naughty puppies,"

Two gasps were Sugimi's answer "One would think they were facing an execution squad," Kagura commented

"What's with them? Sango asked

"Oh something very special this my dear Sango is a momentous occasion and you my pet are fortunate enough to bear witness to it," Miroku replied

"Um okay,"

"You mean she doesn't know?" Kouga said Miroku nodded "Ah then you're in for a real treat,"

"Oh come on I gotta go peeeeeeee," Inuyasha whined one hand on his crotch trying to look pained

"Yes and I have to go as well but if you wish me to make chocolate here in front of others so be it,"

"Youngest pup your bladder is empty, and eldest your poop shoot is closed for renovations," Sugimi tauntingly replied "Possibly indefinitely," his evil sadistic smirk making their blood run cold

"I gotta gooooo," both whined sounding convincingly distressed

"What wuss out, cowards?" Sugimi needled "Women" he jabbed his sons two indignant growls met his ears. Miroku began telling the group about a hilarious event from the past

_**Flashback **_

"Let me out I will di-di-dis-mem-ber you when I am free," Sesshoumaru stammered as he continued spinning

"You geezer father or not I'll kill you for this," Inuyasha snapped

"I can always adopt a new father," Sesshoumaru managed to say

"I hope your nuts turn to stone and fall off followed by that sardine you call a pecker, not to worry you old geezer one claw swipe will turn ya into the wench you are," the fuming hanyou added "Then you can wear miniskirts,"

"Talk is cheap girls daddy wants action," Sugimi taunted

"Nooooooo" Sesshoumaru cried out when something sickening sweet was poured into his current place of confinement then "Wuz today is? Is I licked ah locked in the twunk um trunk of my car? Beep, beep" yes

The great and powerful Sesshoumaru was stoned and so damned cute and priceless his father thought

"What the hell? Inuyasha griped when he saw the spray bottle in his father's hand "Hey ya loony old codger," he bit after being sprayed "Daddy me dwunk me no know how but I is dwunky wunky," Inuyasha said

"Drunk pup it is drunk,"

"Dunk monk whatever I is still dwunk tee hee, hee," the hanyou responded "How's about a reefer chaser?

"That's my two drunken sots," sadistically smiling Sugimi exclaimed "Their so cute,"

_**Flashback ends**_

"So you mean Sugimi put Sesshoumaru in the dryer poured in sickening sweet perfume and got him stoned, then sprayed Inuyasha with alcohol getting him drunk after dying his hair hot pink mounting him on a piece of wood attaching a picture frame then hung him on the wall like a portrait?" Shocked Sango exclaimed

"Yep and all that after inupapa ate special brownies," Miroku explained

"Yeah special brownies aka reefer cakes as we canines lovingly call them really change a canine," Kouga laughed "Hehehe stoned Sugimi is ten times worse than prank master Inuyasha and is the mutt's worst nightmare,"

"I never knew dowsing canine demons with sickening sweet perfume made them high or being sprayed with alcohol could get a dog demon drunk," Kagome said "I must remember that,"

"Ah but that's not all kiddies not only did sweet loving inupapa spray Inuyasha with alcohol there was a little something extra added to it," Miroku paused they glared murderously at him not wanting to wait to hear the rest, he smirked evilly and continued "Sugimi added demon catnip extract he made from the fresh herb,"

"Hhehehe they don't know he keeps a really good sized stash of the stuff," Kouga added

"Yes the following day Inuyasha was chased by both every mortal and demon feline in the area lovingly nipping as they chased him," Miroku told them "Our hanyou waged war on his sire for a week after,"

"As big as Sessh is, how the hell did Sugimi get or fit him inside the dryer?" Sango asked

"Drunken dogs are capable of many and strange things," Miroku added "And it is an industrial sized machine,"

"Stop whining like a girl," Sugimi jabbed silencing the raving hanyou and allowing him to hear

"And Kagome used the Columbian gold that shit will knock you on your ass to it's the strongest one," Kouga stated

"Oh yes I'd say the twin terrors are in for a few days of fun," Miroku said "Mostly Inuyasha since he is far worse,"

"Thanks a lot wench ya had to use the Columbian gold weed to" didn't ya? Inuyasha bit "Why you I ought," he was cut off

"Inupapa" Kagome sweetly called

"Yes my dear?

"I think puppy toes needs a very cold shower he's looking a bit droopy," she smiled evilly

"Kagomeeeee," Inuyasha yelled "You get him stoned and we have to suffer,"

"Cold cycle yes that would be way less work I won't get wet that way either," Sugimi said

"Cold cycle," The others exclaimed

"Oh shit mutts going to get the washing machine," Kouga added "Don't forget fabric softener on the final rinse,"

"Thanks a lot wench, I will not forget this ever count on it," Inuyasha snapped

"Yeah, yeah, yeah don't forget your rubber ducky snookums," Kagome taunted

"And don't forget to start digging your grave out back wehchypoo,"

"Don't forget to wash behind your ears puppy toes I mean mutt," Kouga needled

"You and wench are going to be sharing a grave out back later promise," Inuyasha promised

"Do we get coffins too? Kouga was saving the punch line

"Coffin, not coffins you two will be sharing," the hanyou shot back with a faint smirk

Kouga clamped his hands together as if in prayer holding them against one cheek and with a dreamy look "Oh goody we can mate there'll be plenty of room to move, rock me baby rock me all night long baby ride my bone,"

"Kougaaaaa" Inuyasha screamed and lunged

"Ah, ah my boy we have an appointment," Sugimi reminded grabbing his hellion pup by the back of the waistband of his pants lifting and hauling him off like a suitcase "Dog grooming time,"

"Don't forget to wash your naughty bits governor," Bankotsu teased using a perfect English accent

"Bank that's creepy I thought there was a stranger in here," Ayame said

"Why thank you mi lady,"

Next day

"Pssst, anybody notice that Inupapa's smiling and unusually quiet?" Kagura whispered

"Shit" Bankotsu exclaimed

"You do realize he's still stoned right?" Jakotsu reminded "After eating them canines stay stoned for three days,"

"Well gee Jackie um I mean Jakotsu, what was your first clue?" Miroku needled

"I'm killing you later Mikakaku," Jakotsu growled

"I'm gonna kill you old man," Inuyasha yelled, swiftly followed by Sesshoumaru

"Scorched dog will leave a foul stench but I always did love a good indoor barbeque and meat roasted on high flames," Sesshoumaru added

"Uh oh," Kagome exclaimed

Sugimi who had been sitting at the kitchen table with his feet propped up on the table which he never allowed in his house with something on his lap suddenly took his feet off the table and sat straight up looking as if he'd won the lottery. He quickly set something down and wearing the sickest smile in history looked at his houseguests aka adopted children

"Laters kiddies it's time for my morning dog run," he said stretched then casually strolled out through the backdoor whistling a tune and was soon followed by two streaks aka his blood thirsty furious pups

It wasn't until the dogs chase dog fun began that they noticed a notebook computer sitting innocently on the kitchen table "Sugimi's computer, plus two pissed off sons. I call dibs on mutt faces computer," Kouga said and made a beeline straight for Inuyasha's room

"I get Sessh's room," Kagome called out

"Holy shit on a shingle Sugimi you sick bastard," Kouga exclaimed

"Hey that's Inupapa your talking about," Kagura, Ayame, and Sango scolded

"No he's right," Kagome said "Wait until you read this,"

Inuyasha's email message

_**I Send this message with a tear for it is a sad time of year fate has played a dirty trick Santa can't come because he fell down went boom and broke his dick. However they said some good head can resurrect him from the dead**_

"Oh wow Kouga's right peeps," Bankotsu announced from Inuyasha's room

Sesshoumaru's email message

_**Dear Misses Claus my name if fluffy and I looooove to dive sweet muffy, but first make sure not to wash for a week yes I am that kind of freak. What's say while your hubby the one they call old ST Nick is away I introduce you to some good dick? Your alone so much it's tragic but do not fret my tongue is magic**_

"Whoa mama Sessh is going to be making sushi," Ayame called out from Sesshoumaru's room "Hold on a sec, now listen up," she read it out loud

"Sh-sh-shit," the listeners managed to get out while laughing and gasping for air

"Ready kids, listen to this?" Jakotsu said and read aloud the message from their hanyous computer

Thump "Hehehe" Miroku, and Sango landed on their butts on the floor rolling in fits of laughter

"Inupapa is-is a sick puppy," some of the laughing group gasped

Two days later

Sesshoumaru headed to his computer to check his email, after turning it on he waited for the page to come up and made a surprising discovery he had a second and new email address. After clicking on his e mail he scrolled down the list of messages then something that stood out caught his eye , what the hell? Ran through his mind, out of sheer curiousity he decided to check it out and opened the message and as he read gasped

"What is this?

_**Hi my name is Sesshoumaru but call me fluffy bet your wondering why, hah? I am six two I'm beautiful and I know it, my hair is long and silver I am totally in love with myself but not to worry I have plenty of room for you two wink, wink. **_

_**Here's a little about me I like long walks on the beach, holding hands, cuddling by the fire, and lots of passion filled kisses. How do I like them well I like em tall dark and handsome, my email is **_

"Hanyou you will die,"

A while later

All at once the day took a really and super strange turn everyone's cell phones and computers began signaling their owners that they had new messages. All said what the hell and began opening the various messages texts emails etc, eyes widened gasps escaped mouths curved up into smiles some wicked formed on the lips of the readers as they read the messages with rapt interest

Message

_**Hi my lovelies I am Yashi but you can call me Yasha I have long silver hair luscious full very kissable lips I am so hot and beautiful and I know it, my cute little ass is eye catching in my tight clingy fuchsia ballet leotard warm up outfit wink, wink. My email address is , cell no is 1-horny-Bitch**_

"Oh my holy fucking gods," Kagura exclaimed

"Shit hell fuck and damn that's an understatement," Bankotsu added

"Dear sweet god help us, as a demon I never thought I'd ever say that," Sugimi said

"I cannot be seeing this," rubbing their eyes in disbelief Sango, Jakotsu, and Miroku stated looked again then "It is true,"

What they saw along with the message was a prancing and dancing like a stripper wearing a fuchsia spandex ballet leotard with a round derriere prominently standing out through the clingy material, with long eyelashes winking and blowing kisses Inuyasha "Holy hell you even changed his email address" how the hell? Kagura asked

"Easily done for one such as me," said Sesshoumaru then blew on his claws and rubbed them against his shirt as if polishing them

"You know how we all call Inuyasha the prank master because he is the worst prankster in town?" Sugimi asked

"Yeah" everyone there replied

"Well Sesshoumaru is the hack master,"

Next came the unexpected treat of a life time

An unexpected bonus to the fun would not only be remembered but enjoyed for centuries, oh there'd be a murder but hey ya gotta crack a few eggs to make a good omelet. It was both shocking as hell and unbelievable but damned bloody entertaining as well

"Get the hell away from me ya sick fucked up loony bastard you of all people I never would'a thought it," Fleeing Inuyasha broke the silence "groooss"

"Oh come on mutt nobody can make you feel as good as I can," Kouga replied "Come on baby give daddy some love I'll be gentle and take it slow,"

"You really want to die that badly? Hey you like girls" so what's this shit?

"Just one kiss, let me change your mind with a kiss," lips puckered Kouga continued

"And let me eviscerate you with my loving claws ya demented begging for painful death knobby kneed wolf" Inuyasha snapped "Why me? I like girls, G-I-R-L-S" he spelled it to stress the point "Jakotsu likes guys" why not give him a try?

"But he doesn't have your sent from heaven silver hair smoldering golden eyes, and all that taunting beauty. I need it I want it, I will have it, shimmering silver locks how I dream of making sweet love to you under the moonlight,"

"The fuck?" never swears Sugimi exclaimed shocking the crowd rubbed his eyes then looked again "Are you shitting me? His eyes were unbelievably wide with shock "If I dropped acid I'd swear I was tripping right now,"

"Secret love little brother how romantic" when's the mating? Sesshoumaru taunted

"Well I always wanted and hoped for a daughter in law but a wolf in law will do as well, and he is from good stalk," Sugimi could not resist this golden and rare opportunity to torture his holy terror son

"After I finish killing this mentally disturbed switch hitting wolf your next old man," Inuyasha promised "And I like the hairy hole not the splintered pole moron,"

"Oh Inuyasha you man you, I've never been so turned on in all my life," dreamy eyed Kouga added

"Oh I'm gonna puke, give it up" will you? I'm not giving up the hole for the termite infested wolf pole"

"But-but you can't mean that I-I-I love you," Kouga replied

"Ahhhhh" the hanyou shrieked "Bastard oh excuse me I mean bitchtard," he smirked and hoped it would rile and deter the amorous wolf

"Come on mate let's make it official I have two mate marking fangs with your name written on them,"

"Eeeeew, you mangy wolf that's it I'm killing you now," his family crests began to appear on his cheeks

"What's the matter mutt can't handle a little wolf lovin?" Kouga taunted

"Shit" the onlookers exclaimed

"Let's rock wolfy," red eyed with elongated fangs and claws Inuyasha said cracking his knuckles and flexing his claws a shiver ran down Kouga's spine

"Um Inupapa he means it," Kagome whispered to Sugimi

"So I see," Sugimi replied "Oh well I can always use a good workout puppy training time," he cracked his knuckles

"Oh boy raging red eyed demon dog sweet, let's go mate," feeling ill because of persistent wolf the hanyou's repulsion reversed the his transformation and he turned to run "You started the courting chase mutt face,"

"What the hell? A deep masculine voice asked as the chase began all eyes turned to him "Am I dreaming?

Their heads turned "Kouga? The group simultaneously exclaimed

"The one and only" is there any other? If so I want to meet him" the grinning wolf answered

"But if you're here, then who's that?" Sango asked

"Ayame guess she felt like screwing with Inuyasha, kind'a creepy though" hah?

"Ha-ha-hail Ayame princess of pranks," gasping for air Sesshoumaru managed to get out

"Here my favorite wolfy here's what you missed out on," Kagome said handing him her cell phone,

He nearly died after reading the message "Aw he's fetching in fuchsia" but where in hell did the ass come from? Kouga asked

"Yours truly," proud Sesshoumaru answered

"You OMG I should have known," Bankotsu commented "You demented perverted freak,"

"He is an angelic faced evil practical joker," Jakotsu added

"Aw I am so proud docile dignified never curses eldest son has used his demented brothers pranking style and surpassed him with it" do you know how many years I've waited for this? Sugimi said

"Your patience has been rewarded daddykins," Sesshoumaru teased lightly pinching his father's cheeks

"Aw shucks you'll make me blush,"

He's so rattled he hasn't yet realized it is transformed Ayame playing wanting man love Kouga chasing him," Kagome pointed out

"Is Ayame in on it too? Is that why she is posing as Kouga and hitting on Inuyasha? Cause I've got to say it is frigging hilarious" Bankotsu asked

"Nope she is a free agent on that one," Sesshoumaru answered "It is possible dear brother will be scarred for life,"

"If not wait until he sees your artwork," Miroku said "That'll do it,"

"Nah Ayame is a sick sense of humored girl always was," Kouga told them "Hey does dog breath know about the video messages yet?

"Nope "Sugimi answered

"Yes I am saving that sweet apple for him until after the fake Kouga is done with him," Sesshoumaru said "After he has calmed that is when I will personally make sure he sees it,"

"Oh boy raging puppy, round two," Sugimi exclaimed "Aw hope I don't have to tenderize his little bottom with the bread paddle,"

"So long as it is not mine go for it I care not," Sesshoumaru said smiling sadistically

"Rotten sadist," Sugimi replied gently pinching his son's cheeks grinning when Sesshoumaru growled "Growl to you to papas little man,"

**After the wolf lovin, wolf dog war, poor cha, cha**

The following day "Ayameeeeeee." the hanyous bellow broke the peaceful silence

"Oh man up ya wimp,"

"Oh boy seems my youngest has discovered it was our lovely Ayame who was the wolf wearing Kouga's skins so to speak," Sugimi exclaimed

"Wolf versus dog I'll bet on that," Bankotsu said

Before Sugimi knew it he was the treasurer holding the money they'd all put up placing bets "Hm, five for Inuyasha the rest on Ayame," he exclaimed holding the written list

Back with the dog wolf war

"Get back here you red haired ball breaker and die like a man, that was a dirty trick," Inuyasha yelled

"Aw is the poor wimpy baby mad because he didn't think of it first? Hmmm? Ayame taunted

"When I get my claws on you"

"You'll what scratch my back? She replied "Dig holes and plant flowers in the garden,"

"No I'm gonna make shredded wolf salad outta you,"

"Well what did you expect you thieving rodent after you swiped my three pound sirloin steak your lucky that's all I did I could have just as easily ripped that pretty face of yours off," she shot back

"I'd like to see you try ya double crossing she demon,"

"Took you long enough to figure that out dummy I am a she demon duh, old age is really wreaking havoc on you" isn't it? Ayame couldn't get enough of torturing him

"What the hell? Inuyasha exclaimed

Thump bang, Ayame came to an abrupt halt "Hah?

"Kagome let me out, I mean it when I get out I'm going to make wench burgers out of you," Inuyasha bellowed

"I'm so scared I'm shaking in my wittle booties,"

"You will be when I get out, Ka-go-me," he bellowed

Downstairs with the others

"Kagome how the hell did you get up there so fast? Because you were here like a minute ago" and what did you do to our doggie? Kagura asked

"Well I am really fast even for a human so I ran upstairs saw doggie dearest in the hall near the closet quickly opened the closet door tripped him when he went backward I pushed him into the closet and locked the door,"

"But that closet doesn't have a lock," Jakotsu said

"It does with a chair under the doorknob hehehe,"

"Prison for a steak thief seems fare," Smiling Sugimi added

"Damn he's lucky Ayame did not kill him for that," Kouga stated

"Swiping a canine's meat a deadly and foolish thing to do," Sango commented

The next morning

After having their showers everyone dressed and headed downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast all except Kagome were at the table "Hey where's Kagome she's usually the first one here?" Kouga asked

"Trimming her bush maybe, polishing her cave entrance," wiseass Inuyasha said "Ow" he yelped when a hand connected with the side of his head

"Damn mutt first thing in the morning,"

"Why jealous cause you weren't invited to do it with your fangs?" the hanyou shot back "She could'a used your tongue to buff and polish the entrance to the happy cave that'd make it nice and shiny to,"

"If I had been I wouldn't be here sitting with and wasting my time with you, I'd be doing far more than bush grooming dumb ass,"

"Whoa one dog swiftly shot down and nose diving in flames," Ayame teased

"Hey mutt go flame yourself," Kouga was an unyielding opponent and could be just as perverted as Inuyasha

"Right after you go bush yourself," Inuyasha retorted "So tell us after you groom a bush with your fangs what do ya do to get the hair out of your teeth?

"Oh that's simple,"

"Really, do tell?" the hanyou answered

"Easy I use your toothbrush,"

The milk in Inuyasha's mouth swiftly sprayed across the kitchen floor "Cough gag, what?"

"What got wax in your ears? Kouga casually replied "Oh and before I forget" you know that nice cinnamon tooth floss your so fond of?

"Gulp ah oh gods," the sour look on the poor hanyous face was totally hilarious

"Yup and I did not break off a piece used it then rolled it back onto the roller." Inuyasha nearly puked

"Wolf germs, floss contaminated, poison die," he whined and started trying to scrub his tongue with a napkin

"Inuyasha" a familiar voice bellowed

"Uh oh what did you do to our miko? Sesshoumaru asked

"Nothin," Inuyasha innocently replied

"Inupapa's about to become a one pup dog," Kagome yelled

"Oh goody I'll be the one and only favorite son around here," Sesshoumaru needled with a dreamy look

"Oh gods this is too much," the miko wailed "I am going to die, Inuyashaaaaa,"

"Talk or die pup," Sugimi warningly commanded "Papa wants details,"

"I'm innocent,"

"Leave it to me peeps I'll pound it out of him," Sango added

"Keep dreamin," Inuyasha cockily replied, Samgp was about to lunge

"There you are baby cakes," Kagome spoke as she entered the kitchen "My favorite puppy,"

"Mornin wench," Inuyasha said

"Mornin hah, you're not going to live to see lunch time,"

"Why you got plans for me? Are we going to be doing something later? Something special"

"Why you," the miko growled "I ought to,"

"What massage my log? Polish my knob? Have me plow your field?

"Does anyone notice that Inuyasha is being exceptionally perverted today? Miroku asked

"Yep clever little weasel figures he'll turn her attention away from whatever he did and she'll forget about it," Jakotsu said

Hearing that Bankotsu decided to turn the mikos attention back to Inuyasha's dirty deed "Hey Kagome what did creep face do? Inuyasha turned his head glaring murderously at him he smirked

"Oh yeah nearly forgot thanks Bank," Kagome looked at Inuyasha "He attached a thin ice pack to the crotch of my undies I put them on and what a surprise," Kagome told them

"Cough, cough you're kidding," Sugimi exclaimed

"Nope, and it nearly froze my cha, cha off, now I know how a man's nads feel after being iced,"

"Oh wow this proves he is lower than the dirt under a snake's belly," Kagura insulted

"Well she had an overheated motor so I thought I'd help by cooling it off," Inuyasha smugly told them

"Poor things probably hiding in the corner curled up shivering cold and fearing for her life," Miroku added "Poor cha, cha,"

"Who locked me in the closet? Inuyasha said

"Well at least I didn't ice your tiny little man and his two undersized shriveled up raisin buddies," Kagome retorted

"Oh shit burn," the males teased

"Yes that is an easy one shot triple burn," Sugimi needled

"Watch your back flea watch your back," Kagome said then went and poured a steaming hot cup of coffee and began drinking it to warm up

Lunch time

Inuyasha was sitting at the table with his back against the chair and nearly leaped when he felt something behind him arms wrapped around him chair and all and a chin rested on his head "You know I love you right?" the hanyou suddenly grew nervous

"Gulp, yeah I think," Inuyasha replied

"I forgive you,"

"For-forgive me," nervous Inuyasha responded

"Of course I do, I can't stay mad at my puppy toes your just too damned cute," she cooed rubbing one ear

"Um thank y-you," he slightly stammered the other males eyed one another in silent agreement "Ahhhhhhhhh," he shrieked when a large glass of ice with freezing cold water in it that was his was poured down the front of his pants he leaped up jumping around trying to get the ice to come out

"Whoa look at dog breath shakin his bacin," Kouga ragged

"Y-you, you killed the boys their gonna f-fall off," Inuyasha whined his teeth chattering from the cold

"Now we're even, hm, hm, hm," happy Kagome hummed

"Guess she cooled you're over heated motor this time" hah? Bankotsu needled

"Oh sh-sh-shut u-up," the shivering hanyou managed to get out

"See now you know how cha, cha felt when you iced her panties," Kagome reminded

"I-if I weren't s-so g-gods damned cold I'd fuckin sha-shave cha, cha," the shivering hanyou shot back

"Now, now don't take on so,"

"Son lesson learned never wage war on a female for you will never win," Sugimi informed him

"Yep you've already lost before the battle has begun," Miroku added

"Oh I'll never fuck again," the hanyou wailed "Or have puppies either,"

"Look on the bright side you ca," Jakotsu was interrupted

"There is no bright side," Inuyasha bit

"You can always rent or adopt some puppies," Inuyasha growled

"I will right after you stick your dick in a pencil sharpener and push the high speed button,"

**Sesshoumaru's gift, Moko, moko**

One week later

Sesshoumaru waited for a week after the Ayame posing as Kouga incident to strike "Yooooou what? Broke the lunchtime silence "You bastard you got my fuckin email changed" do you know how gods damned inconvenient this shit is? I can't even change it back"

"As bad as that vile thing you did to mine? Call me fluffy hah? Like em tall dark and handsome" Sesshoumaru reminded "So technically rat face you started it,"

"Ooooo I'll kill you," the hanyou bellowed

"Ah yes it seems the lunchtime entertainment has begun," Sugimi spoke

"Hell I am amazed Sessh waited a whole week to spring it on him," Kagura commented

"Eldest savors springing revenge like a wine lover savors fine wine," the big inu replied "He's like a cobra waiting to strike,"

Back with the brothers

"Oh boo fuckin hoo that's baby shit compared to what you did mangy rat bastard," Inuyasha barked "You put it on the internet to you prick,"

"Well now you're not only popular but known nationwide, and I did not charge you for the ad" so what else is your problem, what has your Tampex shifted? I hear that can be quite uncomfortable"

"Why I otta," the hanyou fumed

"Ought to shave your legs? Get a bikini wax? Use hair remover on little Inuyasha's two tiny shriveled tiny hairy buddies? Sesshoumaru taunted

"Hey he ain't little,"

With the others

"All of those hard core bombs Sessh just dropped on him and all he's worried about is it's not little," Jakotsu commented to the others

"Well men do treasure their life partners," Miroku added

"Geez monk you make it sound like it's your mate," Kouga wisecracked

"No merely my lifelong partner in crime,"

"Great two Miroku's God help the world and all in it, as if one wasn't perilous enough," Sango said

"Aw problem is the poor little fella can't run away when the pummeling starts," Kagura teased

"Yeah think I'll buy the poor little guy a hard hat," Ayame added

"Bet his tiny back aches from the violence his owner brings upon them," Kagome teased

"Gee thanks a lot, ladies," Miroku replied

"You're welcome Roku they," nearly sang

Back with the brothers

"So you say little brother so you say," Sesshoumaru

"And exactly what's that supposed to mean? Inuyasha snapped

"Those who are not lacking have no concern about size,"

"Really, then that means your brain must be the size of a shriveled raisin?" Inuyasha insulted

"Must you constantly remind us of your inferiority?"

"That's it tetsuseiga time," Inuyasha snapped

"Bring it bitch," Sesshoumaru taunted

Back with the others

"Oh boys," Sugimi called

"Yes father? Sesshoumaru answered

"Yeah, whaddya want?" Inuyasha replied

"Daddies having more special brownies and he's on his third one now,"

"Nooooo, oh crap," his sons responded

Sugimi grinned when he heard two thumps after they jumped out of the window landed on the ground then ran "Suckers"

"More like wimps," Kouga joked while smiling evilly

The following week

"Here have some," Inuyasha offered his brother some demon sake

"No thank you,"

"What scared it's gonna kick your great and terrible ass? Wussy" the hanyou taunted "Man up and grow or rent a pair,"

"Brother I had a pair long before you were a gleam in our father's eye,"

"Sesshy is a pansy, Sesshy is a pansy he left his balls at the door,"

"Oh boy here we go that dirty dog is up to no good," Kagome whispered to Sugimi

"I guess it would not be the holidays if they weren't trying to kill one another," Sugimi replied

"You know if they weren't related and Sesshoumaru was a girl I'd swear Inuyasha was trying to get her drunk to get in per pants," Bankotsu wisecracked

"Little brother is a woman, little brother is a woman," Sesshoumaru taunted "He secretly and frequently gets bikini waxes, oops sorry that slipped out,"

"Wimp too scared to have a drink? A full blooded demon afraid of sake unbelievable" Inuyasha continued

"Hah I could drink you under the table and back up again,"

"Pffft as if keep dreaming fluffy butt," Inuyasha shot back

"I need not dream about the truth,"

"Then prove me wrong lord Fartingham," the smirking hanyou dared

"I see you need to be taught a lesson sir comes to quick and I shall be more than happy to teach it to you,"

"Oh I shiver all over with fear," Inuyasha mocked "Somebody hold me,"

"Silence oaf and hand me the bottle,"

"Would you like it over your head, or in your hand?

"Perhaps you need an enema sake is a great treatment for hellish hanyous bend over it will only take a sec,"

"Oh here ya giant weeping Willy doll drink up,"

The night before was practically a blur as Sesshoumaru struggled to open his eyes when he did the daylight pierced his fogged over brain like a dagger, he tried to stretch but found himself confined. His mind suddenly cleared up and he was better able to focus and began looking around then growled when he discovered he was on his back buried up to his neck with a headstone. Ah but that wasn't all as he looked at the headstone something strange caught his eye there half draped over the headstone was his poor defenseless moko, moko with eyes and a mouth on one end and stripes painted all over it, now only murderous thoughts filled his mind he'd get Inuyasha for this if it were the last thing he ever did in life

"This cannot be real," Sesshoumaru said to himself as he escaped the grave when he was out he closed then opened his eyes and looked at the headstone again no it really was moko, moko "Heathen"

Sesshoumaru returned home saying nothing and acting as if nothing had happened as he entered the house silently with painted moko, moko draped over his shoulder he headed upstairs toward the bathroom, though Inuyasha would never admit it a wide cold streak of fear ran up his spine. Sugimi and the others gave each other knowing uh oh WTF looks the first to speak was Sugimi

"What have you done?

"Nothin" Inuyasha tried feighning innocence

"Really, then care to explain why your brothers clothes look as if they were buried in the ground, and why his poor moko, moko is all painted up?

"I dunno know," the hanyou feingned innocence

"You-you painted poor helpless moko, moko? Kagome said "You painted my baby" how could you?

Kouga sniffed "And buried your brother in the ground,"

"Where'd you bury Sesshoumaru? Bankotsu asked

"Dunno what your talking about," Inuyasha replied

"Oh pup of mine," Sugimi called

"Yes" inuyasha answered

"What did my little man do to his big brother?

Inuyasha began pulling at his shirt collar as if it were choking him to death "B-b-b,"

"B-b-b what, come on talk puppykins?" Sugimi called him with a reason

"Ooo I told ya to stop calling me that," he snapped "I dug a trench laid lord fartingham on his back and buried the wimp up to his neck with a headstone and prettied up his fur a little, I left it draped over the grave stone so he'd find it,"

"My how generous of you," his sire wisecracked

"I thought so,"

"Oh Yashy I'll buy you the most beautiful flowers," Jakotsu said

"What the hell are you talking miss lotus blossom? Inuyasha bit

"Flowers for your grave after the funeral silly," Miroku spoke

"What a crying shame all that good dog gone to waste," Sango teased "Sniff I lose more hanyous this way,"

"What are you talking about I ain't dead yet," the hanyou shot beck

"You will be when Sessh decides to nail you," Bankotsu added

"Yeah sure fine whatever," he bit "And feel free to get bent all of you,"

"I will purchase a coffin headstone and burial place," grinning Sugimi needled

"Good and you can keep it for yourself kamis knows ya need it," Inuyasha retorted wearing a cocky grin

"Hehehe vermin if you only knew," listening Sesshoumaru said "And the miko likes my moko moko,"

"Why do I have this feeling of impending dread and doom? Sugimi exclaimed "Hm my eldest must be schemeing,"

**Unwanted surprise, safe sex, closet companion, Christmas cupid**

"Hmhmhm" Sesshoumaru hummed as he continued with his task in the kitchen

"What's with you, you finally find a nice but dumb female dog willing to take pity and give you a piece?" Inuyasha jabbed

"Women not dogs give me love for free, you however have to pay for it and they make you wear a sack over your head during the act because they cannot bear the reality and sight of the horror that is you,"

"As much as you love to hump must cost you a fortune, and you wish you looked half as good as me," the hanyou shot back

"Surely I do not, if it were a contest of looks I hardly think you would win, besides I cannot be bothered competing in such trivial things," Sesshoumaru shot back

"Later lumpy got better things to do," Inuyasha replied then left the kitchen

An hour later

"What the hell is that? Eeeeeeew," Inuyasha loudly exclaimed "This is disgusting," everyone heard coming from the swimming pool "And it touched me,"

"What happened mutt see your reflection in the water and the horror of reality scared the shit out of you?" Kouga needled

"Shut up asshole I'd like to see you in the water with this, this is gross, I need bleach ammonia disinfectant and a scrub brush," Inuyasha wailed like an injured man "Worst of all it floated toward me and it-it eew hit my mouth,"

"Shall we go investigate? Kiddies" Sugimi asked

"What the hell I've got nothing better to do," Bankotsu said

"Ah Yashy honey don't you think that was the wrong place to you know do that?" Jakotsu said pointing

"Why Inuyasha did I not train you better than that? Sugimi teased

"Wow this is a first," Kagome added

"It's not mine you idiots fluffy the bastard did this," the fuming hanyou snapped

"Oh please Inuyasha Sesshoumaru is far to classy and refined to do such a vile thing," Sango said

"Well there's a first time for everything" isn't there? Scrubbing himself with a bucket of soapy water with bleach Inuyasha snapped

"Wow mutt dropped a big one," Kouga teased pointing to the very large 7 inch turd floating in the pool water

"Gross" Kagome, and Sango commented

"Well I didn't do it wenches so go thank fluffy for it," Inuyasha said

"Hey Kags," Ayame whispered nudging Kagome in the ribs with her elbow

"What's up Yame?"

"It's made of chocolate," she whispered with one hand over her mouth in Kagome's ear

"OMG, chocolate turd awesome hehehe,"

"What's so damned funny wench? Inuyasha snapped

"Your face," Kagome retorted "Look in the mirror and you'll see what I mean,"

"Bite me wenchykins,"

"Sorry I don't eat dog meat," Kagome replied

"Sesshoumaru is a very talented artist," Ayame whispered to Kagome after something else caught Inuyasha's attention

"Inuyasha what the hell did you eat that things huge," Kagura razzed

"Real funny windy your boyfriend did it,"

"Little brother? Sesshoumaru called

"Well there's your boy wenches the turd master twelve thousand,"

"You defame my name dear brother," Sesshoumaru said everyone looked at Inuyasha

"Bullshi" the hanyou started but was cut off by something "What the h-h-hel," he tried to finish but passed out cold

Everyone looked to see a horse sized white with one hind leg cocked with it's butt pointed at Inuyasha dog that transformed back into Sesshoumaru "You are very welcome little brother,"

"Oh mama death by fart," snickering Kouga joked "Sessh is better then hospital anesthesia for knocking pests out,"

"I-I love you Sesshoumaru,' the laughing females exclaimed

"Thank you ladies," he smiled evilly

"Chocolate turd dude you're the man," Bankotsu praised and high fived him

"Damn that thing looks so real," Miroku added, Jakotsu was holding his stomach laughing unable to speak

The following morning

"Morning all," Sesshoumaru greeted at the breakfast table

"Where is your brother? He is usually the first one at the table for breakfast especially when it's pancakes and bacon" Sugimi said

"Lazy bones is sleeping in I guess,"

"Aw poor dog breath has a fart hangover," Kouga teased

Fiifteen minutes passed and they heard "What the hell? All went quiet then "You son of a bitch," inuyasha cursed

"Sesshoumaru anything to tell me son?" Sugimi inquired

"Nothing that I can think of,"

"Then why is your brother screaming like a scalded cat? His father asked

"I know not why you'd have to ask him,"

"Cheapscate," Sugimi replied

"Flufffffffy," Inuyasha bellowed "I'm gonna shove this thing straight up your bunghole so far up it you'll be sucking your food through a straw,"

"Does anyone hear anything for I do not it is blessedly quiet this fine morning," Sesshoumaru casually said

"Oh I've got to see it, I've got to see it," Sugimi exclaimed without standing disappeared in a ball of light

"Ah a nice cup of coffee would be great," Sesshoumaru exclaimed poured a cup sat down and slowly began sipping it

"Oh boy somebody get the skillet ready and heated cause yee ha we got us a big one here," Sugimi suddenly said

"Oh this I have got to see," Kouga spoke

Everybody bolted for and up the stairs first the demons followed by the humans "Look peeps a giant sausage and I am still hungry," rubbing his hands together Kouga teased

"I want eggs with mine," Bankotsu, Miroku, and Jakotsu teased," Inuyasha growled

"It-it-it's a giant hotdog dog," Kagura gasped while laughing

Yep Inuyasha encased in a huge body sized condom indeed looked like a giant sausage the opening held on with and tied around his neck with a big red ribbon that was tied in a bow. There was also a card attatched that said do not open until new years day. Inuyasha was red faced with fury and the red was swiftly spreading to his ears he gwowled while glaring daggers at the group

"Hope ya don't mind having only one pup cause you are about to become a single pup daddy," Inuyasha griped "Sesshoumaru you get your narrow ass up here now and face death like a man,"

"I will do nothing until after I've had my coffee," he replied from the kitchen "Why don't you come down stairs? Tied up with something are we?

"I will get you for this bank on it," the hanyou said and wore the sickest grin though fury still raged in his eyes

"Yawn boring," Sesshoumaru replied bordly

The next morning

"Inuyashaaaa," Kagome's raging voice, everyone took

"Cretin, what have you done this time? Sesshoumaru asked "Should I phone the police and have an ambulance on standby?

"Look it's not my fault the wench is on the rag" do I look like mother nature? Let her take it up with that bitch" wiseass Inuyasha replied

"I shall hold you in place while the miko unleashes her fury upon you,"

"You wouldn't," Inuyasha said

"Hm, would I, what do you think?"

"Inuyasha soon to be Sakura Taisho," Kagome bellowed

"Well I am going for a walk I've got to stretch the old legs, later losers," the cocky smirking hanyou

Suddenly Kagome came bounding into the kitchen eyes ablaze with fury and murderous intent with a box in one hand "What has it done this time? Sugimi asked,

Picturing various scenarios of the hanyous death the group was dying inside holding back laughter "Where is the little rodent anyway? The miko asked Sugimi pointed "Oh sorry this will tell all," she said put the box on the table andswiftly took off in the same direction as her prey

Sugimi picked up the box and looked inside "Cough, holy hell," he exclaimed afterward

"What is it father? Sesshoumaru asked

"Son you are never going to believe this," everyone gathered around them to get a look

Sesshoumaru took and read the card " Excuse me I feel like taking a walk be back in a few," once he was outside of the door all that was seen was a ball of light moving at high speed

"Uh oh," the group exclaimed, Sugimi put the box down so they could see what had been hidden beneath the card a 14 inch rubber penis with stripes like Sesshoumaru's painted on it "Ohhhh shit," and the card said

_**Here's your freaking present even though you abandoned me and left me hard I also included your Christmas card**_

_**You looked so hot in your see through nighty with your C cups and full in bloom and your bush showing a secret place you had my boiling blood flowing**_

_**You swayed your hips from side to side and gods I nearly died and did mention my rod stood at attention**_

_**You stroked him oh so lovingly then up and abandoned him and me this gift is to thank you for your treachery**_

_**Yours truly**_

_**Your loving fluffy**_

"And he made it like it was from Sesshoumaru," Sugimi said, and soon howls of laughter filled the room

Sesshoumaru, and Kagome returned over an hour later

"Where is your brother? Sugimi asked

"Currently doing an advertisement for something special," Sesshoumaru answered

"Advertisement?"

"Inupapa you can see for yourself it's a very tasteful ad if I do say so myself," Kagome said

"Oh Kags I have so got to see this point the way babe," Kouga was the first to speak up

"Point the way, point the way," the others teased

"Puppy toes can be found on Takeda Ave at the intersection,"

There was an instant stampede out through the door the "Takeda Ave intersection vicious," Sugimi said

"When dealing with a bitch one often has to think like and be a bitch," smirking Sesshoumaru replied

"Ooo fluffy swore I'm gonna tell daddy," Sugimi teased "How refreshing,"

At the Takeda Ave intersection

"Ah ha, ha, ha mutt you never looked so fetching," Kouga razzed

"Oh wow life size awesome," Ayame praised

"I-I didn't know they came that big," Sango managed to get out between laughs

"Yashi this is definitely a new look for you," Kagura teased

"Dude I'm dying can't breath this is a masterpiece better then cough the Mona Lisa portrait," Holding his stomach laughing panting Bankotsu added

"Oh Yashy your doing a great public service," Jakotsu applauded

The master artists Sesshoumaru, and Kagome had the poor chained to a big tree hanyou wearing a real looking penis suit with a large half open condom as a hat . A sign with large bold print attached to a post that had been driven into the ground on the left side saying safe sex is good sex I pauly penis endorse this ad with an arrow pointing to Inuyasha. All that could be seen of the hanyou was his face through the square hole in the front, between his teeth hanging down was a long strip of multi colored condoms which he could not dislodge because part of the top packet was glued to his chin he growled glaring daggers at his friends aka future homicide victims

Ring ring "Hello"

"Inu cough Inupapa go check your email," trying to stop laughing Sango said

"Mmmm," Inuyasha tried to protest

"Sango? Okay I'm on it" Sugimi replied ran to turned his computer on then went to and opened his email message, crash thump

"Inupapa, inupapa are you all right?

"Pant, pant Inuyasha, condom hat penis suit, sign, condom strip between fangs," laughing Sugimi answered

"Yes father is fine he just fell off of his computer chair after seeing the picture of little brothers new attire, he is so cute on his back on the floor laughing his ass off like a pup," Sesshoumaru told her

"He-he is the puppy ad for bir-birth control," Sugimi panted "Good dog,"

"See" Sesshoumaru said using the computer camera to show his father to her

"Aw Inupapa is happy,"

"Sessh you are one sick dog and Kaggy your one twisted girl great work my favorite criminals," Kagura praised

"Well we figured since he gave that nice rubber penis as a gift we decided to stick with the theme for our gift to him," Kagome said

"He-he better watch out," still laughing Sugimi said

"Why? Sango and the others asked

"Cough, because if a regular dog comes by he might want to mark his territory," Sugimi started laughing even harder. Hearing that Inuyasha's eyes widened with horror "It is a pe-penis tree," Inuyasha growled making him laugh harder

"Aw look at the giant puppy" isn't he adorable? Sesshoumaru teased his rolling in laughter on the floor father

"Lets take a really good picture put it in the computer and send it out as an email Christmas cards to everyone," Kouga said, Muffled sounds came from trying to scream Inuyasha

"P-p-puppy toes Christmas cards," almost choking Sugimi gasped he knew his son hated it when males used Kagome's nick name for him "And sign it all my love and best wishes for the holidays puppy toes Taisho, ah ha-ha-ha," he was laughing so hard he was curled up in the fetal position

"Ah kiddies," Jakotsu called his companions

"What? They all replied

"Run" they all followed his line of dight to Inuyasha

Sugimi immediately stopped laughing "What's going on?

"Little brother," smirking Sesshoumaru answered

Free from the penis costume and chaines that bound him to the tree stood blood red eyed Inuyasha jagged cheek stripes elongated fangs and claws wearing the most sadistic grin in the world said "Lets rock bitches,"

"Ahhhhhhhhh" they shrieked, all that was heard next was tearing and screams

"Uh oh puppy is all dog demony and on the warpath, that's my boy a true Taisho," Sugimi said and chuckled

"Well the video feed is gone so we can't see what is happening," Sesshoumaru added

"Aw puppys being a bad boy maybe I'll have to spank him later," Kagome joked

Five hours later the group returned barely covered by the shreded remains of what used to be their clothes panting and practically staggering like a drunken group of party goers and were followed by sadistically smiling Inuyasha. Sugimi looked his adopted children over apraisingly mentally assessing the damage he'd take them to get new outfits later on. They collapsed from exhaustion landing on their butts some on the floor others on chairs etc, the happy hanyou wore a triumphant grin

Inuyasha looked at his elder brother "Fluffy I owe you don't worry I did not forget ya, and wench I'll be seeing you later," he winked at Kagome grinning evilly

Next day

"Happy holidays peeps," Inuyasha greeted handing out cards

_**M**__**erry Freakin Christmas and Crappy New Year let's all get stoned on a keg of beer. I'll be drunk as a skunk damn hope I don't get locked in my car trunk. Moneys tight times are hard here's your fuckin Christmas card. Christmas is a complete bust cause that no good Christmas turkey swiped the money from my trust. **_

_**I chased him down to the docks son of a bitch jumped on a departing ship the cheap bastard didn't even leave a tip. I'll hunt him down and kill him dead roast and serve him with French bread muwhahaha. I will make good use of the beast when I invite the neighbors to a feast **_

_**The meal was great the deserts were a treat but now we keep hearing gobble, gobble and the pitter patter of strange feet. As an eerie silence fell I wondered what the hell? Then suddenly run we heard somebody yell we jumped up and ran like hell it isn't fun getting chased by the turkey who just a short while ago was the dinner you'd enjoyed so well. Hey this isn't Halloween how can a ghost be making the scene? After that not another word was said as from the house for our lives we all fled **_

_**Yours truly**_

_**Fluffymaru Taisho**_

"Son you cannot use this as a Christmas card, it's alright among us but not outsiders," Sugimi commented

"Too late pops I already sent em out, well that's not quite true actually hand delivered them one to each of our friends doors saved a bundle on postage to," Inuyasha answered

"But this on the bottom,"

"Ah pop lighten up," the hanyou teasingly replied

"You have as the card picture your brother down on all fours with our miko wearing a thong and only pasties like strippers use to cover their nipples. And your brother wearing something that is no better than a thong instead of underwear and a Santa hat on his head,"

"What the Santa hat makes it Christmasy" Inuyasha replied

"Ah hah, but does the leash he's on with Kagome walking him like a dog? And her spanking him with a riding crop at the same time?

"Sure it does," the evilly smirking hanyou replied

"So then when I gut you and hang your innards up with Christmas lights that'll make it all Christmasy to" right? Sesshoumaru shot back "No worries father here everyone and happy holidays all," he handed out his own cards

Inuyasha down on all fours nude except for the big red bow on his butt behind a dog sniffing it's butt with his tongue hanging out panting. The caption above him said who let the rabid booty sniffing dog out? Woof, woof, the room erupted in laughter "Sniffing a dogs butt, at least I had you with a girl not brown nosing some dogs butt," Inuyasha griped

"You're welcome and happy holidays dearest brother. I also saved a bundle on postage I emailed it to everyone even my internet friends which at last count was one hundred and fifty," Sesshoumaru needled

"You emailed them but when?

"Just now," Sesshoumaru answered then held up his hand allowing his brother to see his finger on the send button of his cell phone "When you're going to ask, I had this on standby just in case you tried something sick and you did not disappoint,"

"You suck," was all Inuyasha said in defeat but his father knew better

"Hey mutt I hope ya used breath mints before you sniffed that dogs butt wouldn't want you to kill the poor thing with your rancid breath," Kouga needled

"And you call me a pervert and freak I never knew you had such strange fetishes," Miroku jabbed

"Well just stay away from my butt and we're good K," Bankotsu teased

"You wish you homicidal freak, and besides if I was going to sniff butt it'd be a girl we have a variety here four lovely wenches to choose from," Inuyasha wisecracked

"Only if you want to die dog," Ayame and the other female group members said

Christmas day and Inuyasha had a plan he'd give nailing Sesshoumaru one last shot before giving up, like the sneaky little weasel he was the hanyou waited when his brother was on the second floor he bolted up the stairs, before Sesshoumaru knew it he was shoved in the closet and the door slammed shut and locked it was also the same closet Kagome had locked him in

"Have fun you two," Inuyasha cockily teased

"You will die,"

"Yeah whatever flufsters," Inuyasha replied

Downstairs in the kitchen

"Aw come on Inuyasha Christmas day how heartless," Kagura scolded

"Relentless dog," Sango added

"Well he's got company so drop it,"

"I'm not even going to ask," Bankotsu said

"Let me out," banging the door Sesshoumaru yelled then yelped when after touching the door he got zapped

"Nothin doin lord Fuzzymaru," Inuyasha answered

"I am going to rip his lordly jewels off and feed them to the nekos," a female voice chimed in

"He got you to" Eh?

"Yes" she replied

"He's sealed us in with binding sutras," he told her "Let us out or I promise I will make the remainder of your life a living nightmare,"

"Nope not happening, you two have fun," Inuyasha replied

"Lovely, when I am out of here I'm going to pound him into the ground and straight into hell," she said

"Wonderful highly look forward to seeing that," he replied

"Great I'm bored and we're stuck in here,"

"We shall simply have to find ways to entertain ourselves until the cretin develops steals or buys a brain," he said

"Ooo good one,"

"Thank you I thought so as well." He teasingly replied

"We'll be lucky if he lets us out of here before the next century begins,"

"Let's see what to do to pass the time," Sesshoumaru said

**Lemon starts**

Before she had chance to form her next thought her dress was hiked up panties disappeared and she found she was being held up against the wall. Sesshoumaru slipped inside reveling in warm silken flesh wrapped tightly around his stiff throbbing shaft. Both lustfully groaned from the feel of their first time connection, it felt so damned good he wished that this moment and feeling would last forever

'"Yes" she exclaimed when he began to move

"Uh, you fit me like a glove," he complimented

"Yes Sesshoumaru yes harder,"

**Lemon continues**

Downstairs an hour later

"Yo doggy what's up?"

Inuyasha turned his head "Ayame, you're here then who the hell's up there in the closet with him?" Inuyasha exclaimed

"The closet faire, how should I know?"

"it can't, couldn't be," suddenly nervous Inuyasha said leapt up and ran upstairs, he pulled the sutras off the door to the closet opened it looked "Well merry freakin Christmas and crappy new year to me,"

Kouga came in through the back door in the kitchen with a bag full of goodies setting it on the table "Sniff, sniff, hey Yame smell that?"

"Yep" Ayame answered

"Does the mutt know yet?

"Best part is he locked Sesshoumaru in the closet with what he thought was me. When I came into the kitchen he said, Ayame you're here" then who the hell's up there in the closet with him? Then jumped up and ran upstairs"

"Oh I have so got to see this," Kouga said and ran for the stairs

Sango and the others came in "Ayame what's going on? And why are you are wearing the most wicked grin? Kagura said

"Follow me peeps," Ayame lead the way

Upstairs

"Would you mind closing the door little brother? As you can see my hands are full and I was not quite finished yet" Sesshoumaru casually said to the standing there mouth gaped open hanyou

'Ah ha, ha, ha if-if it isn't the unintended Christmas cupid," Laughing too hard to stand straight Kouga lost his balance and fell down the stairs still laughing all the way down, at the bottom of the steps he looked up his blue eyes sparkling with amusement "Mutt pushed Sessh in closet, sealed door with sutras, th-thought he trapped him with Ayame was Kagome, they mated, hehehe, god my stomach I'm, I'm dying,"

"What's going on? Coming through the front door Sugimi asked then noticed something "Sniff, Inuyasha close the door and get your ass down here I am certain your brother does not need or want an audience,"

"B-b-but," the hanyou stammered unable to speak clearly

"B-b-but nothing, get down here now or we're going to play washing machine,"

"Eek"

"Su-Sugimi mutt, sutra closet door, pushed Sessh in thought with Ayame, mated, cough," Kouga got out

"So you pushed your brother into the closet with who you thought was Ayame but in reality was Kagome sealed the door with sutras and they mated," Sugimi ran his version of a summary

"Growl,"

"Don't you growl at me pup you are the genius who did not use his nose first and decided to play Christmas cupid. So do not complain because it has been successful not in the way you'd planned but successful none the less," the elder inu pointed out

"But I," Inuyasha started

"Yes thought you'd lock the dog and the wolf in the closet together they'd fight amusing you in the process" what's wrong with you, is your nose broken or out of service? All you had to do was sniff first to know it was not Ayame" Sugimi was immensely enjoying this but would enjoy far more his sons reaction to what was said next "Now close the door and leave them alone I want some grand puppies,"

"They've already been in there for over an hour, bastards planted enough seeds for eight or more gardens by now," Inuyasha griped

"This ends now," Sesshoumaru bit

"Uh oh," Sugimi mumbled

Woosh, bang "Ow asshole" the hanyou whined after Sesshoumaru used his powers to send him flying and the door slam shut. Then bam after Kagome sat him "Damn you wench," the taiyoukai happily returned to playing gardener

"You're welcome," Kagome said

"Now if you don't mind cretin I have a task to complete," Sesshoumaru jabbed

"Son of a b," Inuyasha was cut off

"Do not whine be thankful you are still alive, he did not use full force or you'd be dead right now," Sugimi informed him

"Congratulations Kaggy," the females exclaimed

"Sessh you're the man," the males added, two thank you-s were heard then all went quiet, Inuyasha groaned in frustration as he passed his friends while going downstairs

"Aw good work Christmas cupid," they all teased, he growled, they laughed

Hours later

"Where is little brother? I may have a murder to commit" Sesshoumaru said

"Puppy toes is in the other room," Sugimi answered knowing how much Inuyasha hated males using Kagome's nick name for him he didn't mind females doing it, an indignant growl met their ears "Aw daddies little man is all upset" does he need a hug?

Ayame, and Inuyasha

"Hah? What? Thump "Ayame what the hell? Ow damn it wench do I look like a happy meal to you? Inuyasha said "Um Ayame whatcha doing?

"Inuyasha is that?

"Find something you like,"

"Oh wow, I can't believe," she started

"What you've met wenches best friend? The wiseass hanyou replied

"Gulp"

"Hehehehe," he responded

5 Hours later

Inuyasha came into the kitchen

"Happy deflowering to you, happy deflowering to you, you're no longer a virgin yahoo," Sesshoumaru and the other males sang

"This Inuyasha knows not of what you speak," Inuyasha replied

"Rock me baby rock me all night long, rock me baby like my back ain't got no bone," Kagura sang

"Love me baby ooo baby love me long, rock me baby till we see the break of dawn," Bankotsu joined in

"Can't get enough ride me all night long rock me baby till I'm dry as a bone," Sango added

"Love me baby love me all night long it's hard for me to do right when all I want to do is wrong," Kouga finished

"What are you fools going on about? If ya wanna have an orgy stop singing all sexy and go do it already" Inuyasha wisecracked

"Yasha" Kagome called

"Not you too,"

"Happy deflowering to you, happy deflowering to you were so happy for our favorite doggy yahoo," everyone sang except Ayame

The lights went low "Great dad forgot to pay the light bill? Inuyasha jabbed, then saw the cake with lit candles on it "What the hell? It's not my birthday so what gives?

"Let's just say it's a birthday like mating celebration party for you now make a wish blow out the candles and let's chow down on some cake," Sugimi answered

"Five hours good job little brother," Sesshoumaru teased rubbing Inuyasha's head messing his hair up

"Damn it fluffy cut it the hell out," he protested

"Welcome to the family my dear," Sugimi greeted Ayame

"Thank you inupapa,"

Ayame, and Kagome secretly exchanged looks "I'm pupped," both said each with one hand on her belly

"Wonderful I am to be a father," Sesshoumaru calmly responded

"No not this soon it was my first time it can't be," Inuyasha wailed

"What was that you said I did? I believe it was planting seeds" Sesshoumaru teased

"Now's not the time fluffy,'

"What did you expect after five hours? Sesshoumaru immensely enjoy watching Inuyasha wriggle like a worm on a hook "You seed planting fool,"

"Gotcha" Kagome, and Ayame said

"Wenches, I'll kill ya later I'm too tired now," the hanyou replied

"More like all humped out," Miroku teased


End file.
